No, It Was Always Me

In the middle of nowhere
where there is no existence...
 
The dark wall rushes in.
Breathe. Breathe. *Gasp*
Slowly dying.  
I just love it when a girl enters my soul
and takes away all the peace that I thought was mine.
No matter.
Give way to my blood.
 
And you'll never see how I felt. I'll never tell you.
Haha.
That is my win.
Because I'll carry pain into the suffocating black acid rain,
and when my soul sets free toward the sky,
someone will see this letter and know that I tried.
 
I loved you
in the only way I knew how.
And I thought that women could read agony.
It was you--
the girl that I wanted.
My pillow drowned out my roaring insides.
You are leaving to go away
and find better tools until you self-destruct
and need a new self.
Before you die and rise again,
you'll see my broken face reaching for your eyes.
 
You'll burn inside, and I won't cool you down
with my boring dialogue about intrinsic beauty.
 
I loved you
in the only way I knew how,
and I died to myself.
It was me.
It was always me.
You were better than me.
You knew how to love and be loved.
But I--
I was insolent.
I was incompetent.
I was a screw that drilled into your skin
and reminded you of the inflamed reality.
 
While I digress,
I'll snatch at this cry in my skinny chicken neck
and wring it until it's dead, so I can swallow another night.