MY IIIIIIIINSOMNIA

You chose me, night earth, to die slowly in your carriage.  
You gave birth to me, an insomniac, and gave me many burdens.  
Though your sky incites the darkness within me to eclipse the light of arousal,  
so that I am sleepy,  
your order favors creatures of the night.  
 
We are the creatures of the night who face the troubles of the earth  
and live longer days to live less years.  
It's the law of equivalent exchange,  
but never in my wildest dreams would I trade a span of years of life for the measly half existence that is living through longer hours of anxiety  
and preoccupation,  
but it was the day that first betrayed me.  
The sun, she ran away.  
And you, oh Night, arrived and took me in your arms  
and fed me your poisonous lies.  
Studying through the night does not allow me to study better.  
I feel no smarter  
though in my past I had believed that insomniacs were worthy to be praised,  
but my very recollection of recent events evades me.  
I am your drone even in the day,  
and I proclaim your horrid illusions  
of my emaciated face  
that wasn't emaciated when I returned later to look again.  
I fall deep under your spells.  
 
Yet, my young body tells me, "Very soon, and I'll chip away,  
and I'll leave you nothing but a raggedy bag.  
The women will flee your presence  
running from the lines  
that by then will have consumed your eyes.  
You might accomplish one thing,  
but I'll take away the rest.  
You will run a race, and yourself will be all you'll have left  
when I make you crazy."  
Oh Night, how you test me.  
I just want to be normal sometimes and lay my head gently on my pillow and be whisked away as a child,  
but those silent times, you keep my mind awake,  
and I rise up,  
and I roam like a ghost;  
for I live for a dream,  
but I don't live for me.  
And this dream is better played with my eyes open,
so my eyes cannot see
anything else.