deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dear Massachusetts Institute of Insanity (Filler/Long)
Dear Massachusetts Institute of Insanity,
My subject designation ID is J459NR3297. I wish to apply for test-study at your fine institute for the spring of 2015. I hope you take the time to read this letter alongside my completed application form and mailed transcripts. I do believe that I would make a valid candidate, and bring much positive contribution to the campus, fulfilling the fine standards of research that MII is renowned to harness.
Upon viewing my application and transcripts, you will notice my previous record of test-study. My first two year term occurred at the Brandt College of Interrogation Technique in Galveston, Texas. There I gained a practical hands-on experience, being subjected to areas such as Cold Water Pressure and Shock Freezing, Electrical Current Method, and basic Chemical Mind Scrambling, with some Bio-Robotic Insertion. After my successful test-study at Brandt I went on to my second, four year term overseas at the Paulovshlovski Center of Public Mind Control in Gadzhiyevo, Northern Russia. There I gained a more theoretical backdrop of mental alteration, being exposed to such contemporary ideas as Computer Response Triggering, Media Propaganda Hypnosis, and Leader Reference Obedience, while taking part in elective minor studies on the subjects of Stock Trading Addiction, Over-Spending Disease, Weather Event Fetishes and False Web-Profiling. I was also brought into many exciting research projects among the fields of Metaphysical Self-Regeneration and Para-Mental Transport Occurrence.
At both of these previous institutes, I was constantly subjected to rigorous and unpredictable challenges, preparing me fully for higher levels of study. I demonstrated the most resilience among my fellow test group members, while often exceeding the demands and expectations of all faculty and staff involved. I left both institutes with the highest of honours. But apart from these exceptional technical credentials, I would like to turn your attention now to my personal life, my inner feelings and core beliefs, in how the kind of person I am outside of the institution walls will be complimentary to my success during my term at MII.
At a very young age it was established that I was developmentally gifted. At the age of two I was diagnosed with the rare condition of Piscecogitaria, a disorder in which the individual believes he or she is a fish. During infant swimming lessons I would remain underwater often until drowning, having to be resuscitated from near-death dozens of times by lifeguards and medics. Throughout childhood I was constantly jumping into bathtubs, sinks and fish-tanks at home and elsewhere, and in instances outside would often run about trying to swallow in as many mosquitoes, flies and other insects as possible, until becoming vehemently ill. During elementary school I could not help but pretend I was a fish on the playground, often getting violently bullied and attacked by other students, but in other cases, acting out viscous predation on children of younger grades, pretending they were smaller fish which I could eat. My fish nature was expressed in all of my class assignments and art projects, with much of my writing done in Glu-Glub, the language of the Fish People. My problems culminated when during a school trip to the San Francisco Aquarium I was able to sneak into one of the tanks, where I was near-fatally attacked by an adult Blue Shark.
I was promptly taken out of the public school system and was sent to alt highschool in the town of Spanish Fort near Mobile, Alabama. As a teenager I developed more existential connection to my aquatic feelings. I wore self-sewn fish outfits made of plastic and rubber, had most of my body inked with scales and fins, and pierced all locations with fish-hooks. I would often escape supervision and go off to public beaches where I would rebel by removing my garments and bobble about the area slurping up lake weeds and algae slime until sick. At the age of fifteen I began to experiment with the dangerous mind agent Marijuana with my peers, where I would begin to over-analyze that I was a fish trapped on dry land, the dryness would get too much for me, and I would flip out on the sidewalks in an epileptic-like frenzy until paramedics arrived to relieve my mind back to its natural state of water and fluidity. I also became convinced that I could transmit oxygen directly to my lungs via under my armpits, so I cut numerous gill-like incisions down the sides of my torso. I was finally institutionalized at Oakwood Memorial Hospital, but was able to continue with my education and thus graduated from alt highschool.
After my full recovery I rented an apartment in downtown Mobile for a year before test-study at Brandt, where I explored my fish connection to an even deeper level. One day I was being myself in the nearby Tensaw River, making my way upstream, where I met Claudine, a 57lb catfish stranded near the shores under the I-65 bridge. I fell in love and took her home, keeping her in my bathtub until I was able to save enough of my disability pension savings to have a large custom tank built which could fit us both comfortably (I sleep floating underwater connected to a SCBA). After six months, I proposed, but was not granted official certification from the state office, and out of desperation and frustration decided to eat her.
Later on at Brandt, during the various hallucinogen infusion sessions, I became Awoken to my Inner Fishiness, and after test-study there, I joined with my fellow Fishthren at the Earth Detachment of the Church of Fish from the Pleiades Star System Alliance. I feel existence is one Grand Ocean, and we float about as nothing more than fearful mouths and sets of eyes, towering threateningly above or cowering submissively below one another. Only until we rise to the same level in the depths with each other, shall we truly find peaceful equilibrial Balance. My hobbies and interests include swimming, deep sea diving and water-puddle sculpture art. I like the works of Earnest Hemingway, my favorite modern film is Finding Nemo and I am an ardent die-hard fan of the musical group Phish.
In closing, I hope MII considers my formal accreditation and personal passion to be above-ample proof that I will become a productive and successful member of your institute. For there is nothing other within my upward swim to the Source of the Stream, but the pursuit of bettering the Future of Humanity, while bettering my own future. I will bring much greatness and award to the ever-succeeding research at MII.
As a final token of my undeniable devotion to the Cause of Madness, I have included a short poem for you to enjoy, written in Glu-Glub, the official language of the Fish Nation of the Pleiades Star System Alliance:
“Gu Glalub Ubla”
Gulla ghu'bo gu aglup Guha go
Aglup Glaglo go, aglup Guue go
Blo g blup ugga oob, ugga oob Gubla go
Gah gluu gluu ge, gaala gaala ge
Ghu baaa gla gl-glabb gu, gollob ubla bal ghuo
Blagluglug plubla ghlop glalobb bubl uuu
Globu gaboop gu g baa buglop uu
Globb globb uuu g, gah pl-boggl plaa glabol ghu
Gubh gahopp plaa uu gahah plobbl ob go
!Glabba gouh gl-oubba agloga ghah uu plaa bo ghuo!
!Agool ag-guaa ug gha gopplu gluubl boglap g!
!Glag boggba gla ug gha pagluub uuu u!
Bloppl gla g ag, plappl boblop g, agogg bal ga bup
Gloopl balluu bal ghuub g, gopp plogga gaplog go
Ab agloppl ghu gu, bl-ghoopa, gl-agaaga buuu ga
Gloobl abb-g, ablogglp baa abb-g
Apoggo gohoo gha abb-g blopp bal ha
Abogg gloppl ghe g, oooba abogg ha gah
Oooba ghuo gla g baa ugga u
Paglopgl gu bal glabl gulobb ab-ghu ub u
Baggoo aglopp obb ghlo bal ploppogl g'pu
Bogap poblaggl gla g puu
.Paa, bogap poblaggl Gla g puu.
Thank you,
J459NR3297
My subject designation ID is J459NR3297. I wish to apply for test-study at your fine institute for the spring of 2015. I hope you take the time to read this letter alongside my completed application form and mailed transcripts. I do believe that I would make a valid candidate, and bring much positive contribution to the campus, fulfilling the fine standards of research that MII is renowned to harness.
Upon viewing my application and transcripts, you will notice my previous record of test-study. My first two year term occurred at the Brandt College of Interrogation Technique in Galveston, Texas. There I gained a practical hands-on experience, being subjected to areas such as Cold Water Pressure and Shock Freezing, Electrical Current Method, and basic Chemical Mind Scrambling, with some Bio-Robotic Insertion. After my successful test-study at Brandt I went on to my second, four year term overseas at the Paulovshlovski Center of Public Mind Control in Gadzhiyevo, Northern Russia. There I gained a more theoretical backdrop of mental alteration, being exposed to such contemporary ideas as Computer Response Triggering, Media Propaganda Hypnosis, and Leader Reference Obedience, while taking part in elective minor studies on the subjects of Stock Trading Addiction, Over-Spending Disease, Weather Event Fetishes and False Web-Profiling. I was also brought into many exciting research projects among the fields of Metaphysical Self-Regeneration and Para-Mental Transport Occurrence.
At both of these previous institutes, I was constantly subjected to rigorous and unpredictable challenges, preparing me fully for higher levels of study. I demonstrated the most resilience among my fellow test group members, while often exceeding the demands and expectations of all faculty and staff involved. I left both institutes with the highest of honours. But apart from these exceptional technical credentials, I would like to turn your attention now to my personal life, my inner feelings and core beliefs, in how the kind of person I am outside of the institution walls will be complimentary to my success during my term at MII.
At a very young age it was established that I was developmentally gifted. At the age of two I was diagnosed with the rare condition of Piscecogitaria, a disorder in which the individual believes he or she is a fish. During infant swimming lessons I would remain underwater often until drowning, having to be resuscitated from near-death dozens of times by lifeguards and medics. Throughout childhood I was constantly jumping into bathtubs, sinks and fish-tanks at home and elsewhere, and in instances outside would often run about trying to swallow in as many mosquitoes, flies and other insects as possible, until becoming vehemently ill. During elementary school I could not help but pretend I was a fish on the playground, often getting violently bullied and attacked by other students, but in other cases, acting out viscous predation on children of younger grades, pretending they were smaller fish which I could eat. My fish nature was expressed in all of my class assignments and art projects, with much of my writing done in Glu-Glub, the language of the Fish People. My problems culminated when during a school trip to the San Francisco Aquarium I was able to sneak into one of the tanks, where I was near-fatally attacked by an adult Blue Shark.
I was promptly taken out of the public school system and was sent to alt highschool in the town of Spanish Fort near Mobile, Alabama. As a teenager I developed more existential connection to my aquatic feelings. I wore self-sewn fish outfits made of plastic and rubber, had most of my body inked with scales and fins, and pierced all locations with fish-hooks. I would often escape supervision and go off to public beaches where I would rebel by removing my garments and bobble about the area slurping up lake weeds and algae slime until sick. At the age of fifteen I began to experiment with the dangerous mind agent Marijuana with my peers, where I would begin to over-analyze that I was a fish trapped on dry land, the dryness would get too much for me, and I would flip out on the sidewalks in an epileptic-like frenzy until paramedics arrived to relieve my mind back to its natural state of water and fluidity. I also became convinced that I could transmit oxygen directly to my lungs via under my armpits, so I cut numerous gill-like incisions down the sides of my torso. I was finally institutionalized at Oakwood Memorial Hospital, but was able to continue with my education and thus graduated from alt highschool.
After my full recovery I rented an apartment in downtown Mobile for a year before test-study at Brandt, where I explored my fish connection to an even deeper level. One day I was being myself in the nearby Tensaw River, making my way upstream, where I met Claudine, a 57lb catfish stranded near the shores under the I-65 bridge. I fell in love and took her home, keeping her in my bathtub until I was able to save enough of my disability pension savings to have a large custom tank built which could fit us both comfortably (I sleep floating underwater connected to a SCBA). After six months, I proposed, but was not granted official certification from the state office, and out of desperation and frustration decided to eat her.
Later on at Brandt, during the various hallucinogen infusion sessions, I became Awoken to my Inner Fishiness, and after test-study there, I joined with my fellow Fishthren at the Earth Detachment of the Church of Fish from the Pleiades Star System Alliance. I feel existence is one Grand Ocean, and we float about as nothing more than fearful mouths and sets of eyes, towering threateningly above or cowering submissively below one another. Only until we rise to the same level in the depths with each other, shall we truly find peaceful equilibrial Balance. My hobbies and interests include swimming, deep sea diving and water-puddle sculpture art. I like the works of Earnest Hemingway, my favorite modern film is Finding Nemo and I am an ardent die-hard fan of the musical group Phish.
In closing, I hope MII considers my formal accreditation and personal passion to be above-ample proof that I will become a productive and successful member of your institute. For there is nothing other within my upward swim to the Source of the Stream, but the pursuit of bettering the Future of Humanity, while bettering my own future. I will bring much greatness and award to the ever-succeeding research at MII.
As a final token of my undeniable devotion to the Cause of Madness, I have included a short poem for you to enjoy, written in Glu-Glub, the official language of the Fish Nation of the Pleiades Star System Alliance:
“Gu Glalub Ubla”
Gulla ghu'bo gu aglup Guha go
Aglup Glaglo go, aglup Guue go
Blo g blup ugga oob, ugga oob Gubla go
Gah gluu gluu ge, gaala gaala ge
Ghu baaa gla gl-glabb gu, gollob ubla bal ghuo
Blagluglug plubla ghlop glalobb bubl uuu
Globu gaboop gu g baa buglop uu
Globb globb uuu g, gah pl-boggl plaa glabol ghu
Gubh gahopp plaa uu gahah plobbl ob go
!Glabba gouh gl-oubba agloga ghah uu plaa bo ghuo!
!Agool ag-guaa ug gha gopplu gluubl boglap g!
!Glag boggba gla ug gha pagluub uuu u!
Bloppl gla g ag, plappl boblop g, agogg bal ga bup
Gloopl balluu bal ghuub g, gopp plogga gaplog go
Ab agloppl ghu gu, bl-ghoopa, gl-agaaga buuu ga
Gloobl abb-g, ablogglp baa abb-g
Apoggo gohoo gha abb-g blopp bal ha
Abogg gloppl ghe g, oooba abogg ha gah
Oooba ghuo gla g baa ugga u
Paglopgl gu bal glabl gulobb ab-ghu ub u
Baggoo aglopp obb ghlo bal ploppogl g'pu
Bogap poblaggl gla g puu
.Paa, bogap poblaggl Gla g puu.
Thank you,
J459NR3297
Published 23rd Nov 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 813
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Alrighty.
The story behind this one.
Basically, I had entered the competition held by DU Member case28 entitled: RANDOM POEMS[2]De POWER[Opium]THREE. It is a knock-out gladiator battle concept, with various rounds of elimination until a final victor, where poets are placed into groups and each group is given a randomly selected category genre, a location for the poem, and an object. All three of these elements must be incorporated into your entry. The group I was allotted to had, for the first challenge, the genre of Self Poem, the location of an Institute for the Insane, and the object of a fish. For this challenge, we were given 48hours to make our entry.
The first night I struggled to force something out, resorting to my common formula of alcohol and caffeine, plus a rolled tobacco cigarette with a mild amount of salvia divinorium to it. I started off with the following ideas:
Idea #1: Instead of an actual insane asylum, make "organized religion" the "institute of the insane", where I am being tortured and brainwashed in the pews, while hearing a crazy sermon about the Christian Fish References. (I swiftly scrapped this idea, as I figured it would be too far off the track, and not go down well with some of the other members in the comp)
Idea #2: Then I tried to be all blood-stained walls and screaming tortures in the halls, the kind of industrial era asylum horror we all love, and started composing this:
"At Poland Woods"
And at Poland Woods,
The loaves and fishes didn't break
Into anything but empty ghost hour
Wandering the ward children out...
- where the poem would then go on to such silly things as seeing an ichthys imprinted in "the 8pm lorazepam", with the poem inevitably leading to holocaust references of medical experiments and gas showers (but again, I figured, that just might not go down too well with some of the other members).
Idea #3: And lastly I perceived a humourous jaunt of an altercation in the asylum lunch-room, where the patient takes the fish-stick off his plate and "sticks it deeply into the bun of the bending-over nun". (I really shouldn't be putting the Good Book into dirty positions!)
So I passed out that night with nothing completed. Awoken three hours later in a somewhat groggy state, in the mid afternoon, I went online and onto DU and, WITHOUT logging in, went over to the comp thread to read the recent chatter, and there on the original starting-time post for the deadline of the first round, I brainfartedly saw that it read 12:20pm (as opposed to the 7:20am time I correctly noted the day prior, when I originally saw the post WHILE logged in). The discrepancy bothered me somewhat that afternoon, but I generally felt rejoiced that I would have even more time on the 2nd night to get something in on time for the challenge deadline.
So on the 2nd night I lounged about on my bed with a copy of the Good Book, a copy of the Book of Mormon, and various other alternative demoninational texts, and just somehow, from a small Spark of Nowhere in the Surrounding Nothingness, the concept of the Application Letter to the Massachusetts Institute of Insanity came about. I then rock and rolled over that for much of the night, and in the morning decided that, again, this far-out thing would probably not go down too well with the other comp members. But just then I had the mad stroke of genius to end the letter with a poem in the language of Glu-Glub. Then I thought, what the hey, I'm likely screwed anyways, why not just crash the sensibility of the poem comp (as most of the entries from the other competitors were pretty serious and poetic in tone), and just post the Glu-Glub poem as my comp entry!
I quickly jotted down the English Translation within a few minutes, but got a little absorbed in the original Glu-Glub. The pressures of daytime reality were upon me at this point, so I just gave up and sought to post what I had of the Glu-Glub with the English Translation. So all trumpetly crazed I logged onto the site at about 9am my time, and went to the comp board only to see that I DID miss the true deadline of 7:20am!
Looking back at it then, I realized my laptop was once again entered by time-travelers, and the screen was purposefully rigged to deceive me the day before, when I saw the incorrect 12:20pm deadline. Those tricky bastards visit me from time to time, they always enter my computer causing data loss and inconvenience right at those fate-changing moments of life! (For had I entered on time I might have made it through the first round of the comp, and then gone on to win the whole thing, thus bringing fame and fortune, and the ability to compose further treatises on time-travel years later, which the time-travelers would seek out to prevent me from doing - something simple as that, of course.)
What really happened was that when you view the various postings on the site logged on, the time is displayed in the time-zone you originally put down in the settings of your account; and when you view the postings logged off as a guest, the times are displayed in something like the GMT time. I think there ought to be a term for this, the "Logged-Off Time-Zone Dilemma", or more suitably, the "Jimnut Dumbass Dilemma".
All in all, the whole point of this story (apart from providing you with a glimpse of the kind of letters I actually send off to universities and job applications), is that I will never be able to win in the competition of life. It is just my blatant disregard for the orderly regulations of reality. When faced with a forced challenge, such as this comp, with various required variables, and a deadline, I couldn't help but be mischievously disobedient in all aspects. I couldn't seamlessly get inspired for it, I couldn't follow the guidelines like everyone else for it, and I couldn't get it handed in on time!
It's a tough call, on one hand I am able to produce Creativity out of Nothing, but on the other hand, what I produce doesn't follow the allotted rules. This might be fine for an internet poetry site and a few school assignments, but for the forests of circling wolf and birds of carrion, it certainly isn't...
Then again, this is a cut-throat competition, down to the chopped-off limbs in the coliseum sands, there is no mercy granted... I recommend you venture over as a spectator:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/7494/
Plus the thread for the rules and general chatter:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/poetry/read/7440/
The story behind this one.
Basically, I had entered the competition held by DU Member case28 entitled: RANDOM POEMS[2]De POWER[Opium]THREE. It is a knock-out gladiator battle concept, with various rounds of elimination until a final victor, where poets are placed into groups and each group is given a randomly selected category genre, a location for the poem, and an object. All three of these elements must be incorporated into your entry. The group I was allotted to had, for the first challenge, the genre of Self Poem, the location of an Institute for the Insane, and the object of a fish. For this challenge, we were given 48hours to make our entry.
The first night I struggled to force something out, resorting to my common formula of alcohol and caffeine, plus a rolled tobacco cigarette with a mild amount of salvia divinorium to it. I started off with the following ideas:
Idea #1: Instead of an actual insane asylum, make "organized religion" the "institute of the insane", where I am being tortured and brainwashed in the pews, while hearing a crazy sermon about the Christian Fish References. (I swiftly scrapped this idea, as I figured it would be too far off the track, and not go down well with some of the other members in the comp)
Idea #2: Then I tried to be all blood-stained walls and screaming tortures in the halls, the kind of industrial era asylum horror we all love, and started composing this:
"At Poland Woods"
And at Poland Woods,
The loaves and fishes didn't break
Into anything but empty ghost hour
Wandering the ward children out...
- where the poem would then go on to such silly things as seeing an ichthys imprinted in "the 8pm lorazepam", with the poem inevitably leading to holocaust references of medical experiments and gas showers (but again, I figured, that just might not go down too well with some of the other members).
Idea #3: And lastly I perceived a humourous jaunt of an altercation in the asylum lunch-room, where the patient takes the fish-stick off his plate and "sticks it deeply into the bun of the bending-over nun". (I really shouldn't be putting the Good Book into dirty positions!)
So I passed out that night with nothing completed. Awoken three hours later in a somewhat groggy state, in the mid afternoon, I went online and onto DU and, WITHOUT logging in, went over to the comp thread to read the recent chatter, and there on the original starting-time post for the deadline of the first round, I brainfartedly saw that it read 12:20pm (as opposed to the 7:20am time I correctly noted the day prior, when I originally saw the post WHILE logged in). The discrepancy bothered me somewhat that afternoon, but I generally felt rejoiced that I would have even more time on the 2nd night to get something in on time for the challenge deadline.
So on the 2nd night I lounged about on my bed with a copy of the Good Book, a copy of the Book of Mormon, and various other alternative demoninational texts, and just somehow, from a small Spark of Nowhere in the Surrounding Nothingness, the concept of the Application Letter to the Massachusetts Institute of Insanity came about. I then rock and rolled over that for much of the night, and in the morning decided that, again, this far-out thing would probably not go down too well with the other comp members. But just then I had the mad stroke of genius to end the letter with a poem in the language of Glu-Glub. Then I thought, what the hey, I'm likely screwed anyways, why not just crash the sensibility of the poem comp (as most of the entries from the other competitors were pretty serious and poetic in tone), and just post the Glu-Glub poem as my comp entry!
I quickly jotted down the English Translation within a few minutes, but got a little absorbed in the original Glu-Glub. The pressures of daytime reality were upon me at this point, so I just gave up and sought to post what I had of the Glu-Glub with the English Translation. So all trumpetly crazed I logged onto the site at about 9am my time, and went to the comp board only to see that I DID miss the true deadline of 7:20am!
Looking back at it then, I realized my laptop was once again entered by time-travelers, and the screen was purposefully rigged to deceive me the day before, when I saw the incorrect 12:20pm deadline. Those tricky bastards visit me from time to time, they always enter my computer causing data loss and inconvenience right at those fate-changing moments of life! (For had I entered on time I might have made it through the first round of the comp, and then gone on to win the whole thing, thus bringing fame and fortune, and the ability to compose further treatises on time-travel years later, which the time-travelers would seek out to prevent me from doing - something simple as that, of course.)
What really happened was that when you view the various postings on the site logged on, the time is displayed in the time-zone you originally put down in the settings of your account; and when you view the postings logged off as a guest, the times are displayed in something like the GMT time. I think there ought to be a term for this, the "Logged-Off Time-Zone Dilemma", or more suitably, the "Jimnut Dumbass Dilemma".
All in all, the whole point of this story (apart from providing you with a glimpse of the kind of letters I actually send off to universities and job applications), is that I will never be able to win in the competition of life. It is just my blatant disregard for the orderly regulations of reality. When faced with a forced challenge, such as this comp, with various required variables, and a deadline, I couldn't help but be mischievously disobedient in all aspects. I couldn't seamlessly get inspired for it, I couldn't follow the guidelines like everyone else for it, and I couldn't get it handed in on time!
It's a tough call, on one hand I am able to produce Creativity out of Nothing, but on the other hand, what I produce doesn't follow the allotted rules. This might be fine for an internet poetry site and a few school assignments, but for the forests of circling wolf and birds of carrion, it certainly isn't...
Then again, this is a cut-throat competition, down to the chopped-off limbs in the coliseum sands, there is no mercy granted... I recommend you venture over as a spectator:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/7494/
Plus the thread for the rules and general chatter:
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/poetry/read/7440/
Just a side note on using the combination of alcohol and caffeine to compose for a deadline. I approve of this combination for workplace productivity because the caffeine offsets the undesired drowsiness of the alcohol while preserving the flowing-out creative-fluidity of it.
On that 1st night I had consumed roughly 120ml of alcohol-by-volume (in the sense of saying a mickey of rye is about 150ml of alcohol-by-volume), and about 200mg of caffeine. In this case I was far too wired, and not anywhere near drunk enough. I'll have to look into it more but I think I would have been brought about to much greater success with, say, 200ml of alcohol and only 70mg of caffeine, basically a 3:1 Ratio of Alcohol-to-Caffeine Content.
I think the 3:1 ratio, maybe even 4:1 ratio, is the ticket to success!
On that 1st night I had consumed roughly 120ml of alcohol-by-volume (in the sense of saying a mickey of rye is about 150ml of alcohol-by-volume), and about 200mg of caffeine. In this case I was far too wired, and not anywhere near drunk enough. I'll have to look into it more but I think I would have been brought about to much greater success with, say, 200ml of alcohol and only 70mg of caffeine, basically a 3:1 Ratio of Alcohol-to-Caffeine Content.
I think the 3:1 ratio, maybe even 4:1 ratio, is the ticket to success!
27th Nov 2014 2:58pm
Shit this good requires no further explanation than "Read it motherfuckers. Gutenberg built a time machine specifically so you can fucking read this."
Holy shit I laughed so good through all of this! This kind of comedy is revisitable on a regular basis. Pushing the line instead of relying on punchiness is a unique talent. Patton Oswalt does pushing the line, like you do. I fall back on punchlines. This is so good to have on regular stack. Thank you for writing thus, Jimnut.
Holy shit I laughed so good through all of this! This kind of comedy is revisitable on a regular basis. Pushing the line instead of relying on punchiness is a unique talent. Patton Oswalt does pushing the line, like you do. I fall back on punchlines. This is so good to have on regular stack. Thank you for writing thus, Jimnut.
9th Dec 2014 5:05pm
Never too sure about those medication test studies... Probably better forms of income to be had out there... But I'm sure there's a few professionals in the midst with quite the impressive cover letters...
