just for this sEcond

How is it that I'm here
Broken twisted torn
I have weakness
Again I'm finding humble born
Trying to just take baby steps
Not reliving the trauma that got me here
All the drug use and opiates kept.
The pain at bay withdrawals 21 days detox
I have to cypher this pain that dibilitates
And try to not to use   its hard for me
The pain tends to make me weak
So far I'm at 37 days clean
I've been off opiates
 and the steps begin to make  a staircase
To heaven  or to an escalator to hell
I am trying to establish myself again
I am new and feeling it the stress builds
And I must not fail regardless I'm too
Old to continue in this way of life
I wanna live have love have a clear head
So I don't choose someone that will just
Use abuse and wring me out like a wet rag
I've always let my addiction define what
I could and can't do the fear of being unable
To score kept me grounded and stagnant
Stuck in the unhealthy relationships
That emotionally crippled me
the only choice there is is to
Trudge on jump the hurdles
Dodge the garbage heaped on me
Ignore nay sayers and non believers
Be selfish in my need for sobriety
All I can see is the pain let's me know I'm still alive
And feeling emotion when for so long I numbed them out
I have to face my fears and pain cause they are Satan sent to defeat
And my prize my crown will be just being  alive
Just for today the next seconds are all I care about
And even hurting I'm still not dieing it just feels like it