deepundergroundpoetry.com
Nightmare
My twisted soul no longer flies,The nightmare claws at my blinding eyes,I awake to terror feasting on my tortured heart,Wishing I was free from my onyx inked art,My mind falls into the vitae pit of insanity,While my mouth spews out a thousand profanities,My twisted soul no longer flies,the nightmare claws at my blinding eyes,The sanguinary thoughts that flow through my head,End your life as your blood hits the bedMy twisted soul no longer flies,the nightmares eat my blinded eyesMy wing's are broken,I cannot fly.
Published 24th Apr 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
Hi- This isn't bad and the subject matter is right up my alley, my concern is for the lack of form you present. Sure, not all poetry has to have form but attempting to separate lines with commas makes this very difficult to read and doesn't sound smooth as it is read. Something I learned long ago is that proper punctuation can make a huge difference in the impact your writing has on a reader. Maybe instead of running lines together you might try couplets if your intention is to rhyme or one line spacing between stanza's. There are many styles of poetry and if what you write sounds good coming out of your mind then so be it, just remember if you are putting it out there it is best to be sure people can read it so it has impact. Food for thought.
28th Apr 2011 3:54am
30th Apr 2011 11:45am
I really enjoyed this poem, glad I have gotten back into reading and writing poetry. It's helping me to sort out many mixed emotions and helps reading others and knowing I am not alone :) thanks
30th Apr 2011 8:28pm
