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The Smile On Her Face
Wallpaper. Flowers drifting like rivers down the wall.
I hear my heartbeat. I hear hers.
I feel absolutely nothing. My body floats above the bed.
You look at me with your gentle eyes.
"I'm scared", she says.
"It's okay. I swear. Your in my arms now," I comfort her.
"Nothing's going to happen to you," I taste the lie as it escapes my mouth.
Once, again. She stares, with deep eyes. She keeps repeating over and over...
"I'm so scared.... I'm so scared...."
I pull in closer to her,
Lifting her chin I put my lips on hers.
With the footsteps coming closer, I sing her a quiet song.
A song about happiness, a song about a painfree world and life.
I see the terrified face start to unfold. Her eyes start to wander to a mellow state.
Her mouth quivers into a soft smile.
I look around once more.
The bed is swallowed in absolute darkness.
Footsteps begin to flood the room
as I still hold her close.
I keep singing to her, for I know once I stop she will be alone.
Her muscles loosen. I grip harder.
I sing louder.
I look down. My voice stops.
And there was nothing but a smile left on her face.
- Justin Hymer
I hear my heartbeat. I hear hers.
I feel absolutely nothing. My body floats above the bed.
You look at me with your gentle eyes.
"I'm scared", she says.
"It's okay. I swear. Your in my arms now," I comfort her.
"Nothing's going to happen to you," I taste the lie as it escapes my mouth.
Once, again. She stares, with deep eyes. She keeps repeating over and over...
"I'm so scared.... I'm so scared...."
I pull in closer to her,
Lifting her chin I put my lips on hers.
With the footsteps coming closer, I sing her a quiet song.
A song about happiness, a song about a painfree world and life.
I see the terrified face start to unfold. Her eyes start to wander to a mellow state.
Her mouth quivers into a soft smile.
I look around once more.
The bed is swallowed in absolute darkness.
Footsteps begin to flood the room
as I still hold her close.
I keep singing to her, for I know once I stop she will be alone.
Her muscles loosen. I grip harder.
I sing louder.
I look down. My voice stops.
And there was nothing but a smile left on her face.
- Justin Hymer
Published 23rd Apr 2011
| Edited 24th Apr 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
i completely fell for this, gorgeous. my one problem with it (that i only picked up on second read after having been taken up in this lovely write), is that your tense changes at "The bed was" and from there it goes to past tense. I think if you kept the tense the same throughout i would consider it better writing, but you did an excellent job of drawing me in and holding my rapt attention to the end. [:
23rd Apr 2011 3:47pm
Thank you... And that was a very nice find! I'm going to have to go back and change that... I did want everything to be in a present tense
