deepundergroundpoetry.com
Meditation High
I feel myself blast off
like a rocket going into space.
Surrounded by stars,
their twinkling beauty
is so divine.
~~Shortest poem I've ever wrote. Please be honest, how is it?
like a rocket going into space.
Surrounded by stars,
their twinkling beauty
is so divine.
~~Shortest poem I've ever wrote. Please be honest, how is it?
Published 1st Nov 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
1st Nov 2014 3:11am
Well, the effect of the stars might be more apparent if you used some more imagery to show us their twinkling beauty instead of just telling us about their twinkling beauty. I don't feel a feeling of being surrounded by the stars here, either. The rocket simply goes into space, and "go" could be anyithing, from a rocket ripping through the sky to a sloth looking for breakfast. The first line is perhaps indicative enough of a sense of standing on a launch pad, and ah...blasting off from it...
Well, a little work, and it'll ring with all the sounds and twinkle with all the sights you might want it to.
Well, a little work, and it'll ring with all the sounds and twinkle with all the sights you might want it to.
1st Nov 2014 1:13pm
Thank you very much, I appreciate your review. I will keep working on it.
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Sep 2020 3:45am
5th Nov 2015 2:29pm
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