How We Became What We Are Now

It had been a short summer for me. Each summer is shorter than the last it seems. Anyways, I had something to look forward to through my vacation. School. Well...kinda look forward to. Its kinda been a love hate relationship with me and school. I've never really went to learn much, its always been more of a...social experience. I dread the part about meeting my teachers...they always seem to hate me. But nevermind that. The first day of school was here! I had gotten up early that morning. Had my clothes picked out the night before. And took a shower that night and in the morning...to make the time go by faster. The wait seemed like ages but 7:00 had came and i was out the door and in the truck. On the way there my dad had been lecturing me telling me how “its gonna be different this year” and “you're not gonna fuck around this time” same old same old. I just tuned him out mostly.
I got to school, got out of the car, struggled with my overpacked backpack that had been stuffed with supplies weeks before, and walked up to the gym doors, kinda excited to meet up with the friends i haven't seen for most of the summer. The bleachers were stuffed with the poor new kids who had to deal with 5th grades bitchiest of the bitchy teachers. I shiver just thinking about my many encounters with Mrs. Still...Then the kids in the 6th grade. They were Traumatized by what they experienced last year with the bats in 5th grade, and feared what else was to come there way. Then finally the 7th graders. my people. they seemed altogether pretty happy. probably due to the fact they thought they were invincible for making it to 7th grade and now have a hierarchy amongst all the lower grades.
I knew it was just another year though. I saw my acquaintances, Dalon Ford, a tall and lanky black kid who moved to Westside the year before, And Brandon Holland, a white kid who's well known to all the preppy athletic kids. A group to which i don't belong. We were talking about all the crap that we did that summer and laughed and joked at each other
Dalon:”nigga you so short you play jump rope with shoe laces”
Me:”at least my mom doesn't have carpet burn on her knees from her job”
Brandon:....
you know corny jokes like that. This continued sometime. We laughed at my friend Jadicus’s newly grown afro. And then we listened to the principle tell us where to go for homeroom. I went to my new homeroom class, Mrs. Harmons and tuned her out as I looked around for new faces. I found a couple but one really stood out. It was this girl in the back of the room. I looked back at my fingers and shoes. But then I uncontrollably looked back at her. I tried to concentrate on something else but...I couldn't. I just went back to staring at her. She was beautiful. oh my god she was beautiful. Im not sure what but there was something about her...She was on my mind a lot that day. School got out and i went home and did all that home crap.you know, home crap. That stuff you always do when you get home from school. I had the usual “how was your first day?” from my dad and ate dinner and went to bed.
I dreamed about that girl I saw in homeroom. I've never told her this before because i think its kinda stupid and cheesy but i've had this same dream about her for some time before we actually started talking. Im just looking at her, and shes in the back of class and I get up, walk over and sit by her. She turns her head surprised but she doesn't speak. neither of us speak in this dream. We just look into each others eyes. I dont know why, but when we did this(or dream us did this)I felt a sort of...comfort. I was happy in that moment and I didnt want it to end. But i would wake up disapointed many times after this, realizing it was just a dream. In the weeks and weeks the pass i got up the courage to talk to her...it was, in a word...amazing. We talked about her moving here and what her interests were and her mom and what not. When I made her smile It warmed me. When I made her laugh I felt like I was soaring. Its a feeling that can't really be explained but once you have that feeling you wish it would last forever. It got to the point that I really liked her. And I thought she may have liked me too(you know, even though she had a boyfriend). I would ask her out a lot but each time she would turn me down so quickly. I hurt really bad, but I got over it and I wouldn't stop trying. It had gotten to the point that she was my only interest. Not school. Not friends. Nothing. She was the only thing on my mind. I looked forward to seeing her every 3rd and 4th period in Miss Langstons class. Months had passed and we had shared stories with each other and I drew for her. Maybe a little too much. She probably got annoyed by the amount of drawings I gave her….
Moving on. She and her boyfriend broke up. I was really happy and I asked her out again, but, she once again turned me down. That hurt like 10 times as bad as it did before. Is she just making excuses of why she won't go out with me. does she really not like me...I didn't know but I just tried to suck up my true feelings and attempted to play it off cool. After a bit i started to notice there were a couple other guys flirting with her. Well it looked like flirting to me. And I hated it, we weren't even together and I was so jealous...I tried to ignore all that but I couldnt. I just kept watching this dude flirt with her as I imagined different ways to painfully torture him. Mainly involving castration. Even with the efforts from other members of the male race attempting to take my woman that wasn't yet my woman, I stayed true to her.
Bye about the end of the school year she still wasn't acknowledging we were together but I think we both knew deep down we were. We would sometimes hold hands and talked about a whole lot of cutsie stuff people do in relationships. I think I sincerely started to love this girl. I loved every little thing about her. Her beautiful green eyes. The way she would smile when i made her blush, that was just adorable. The softness of her hair. The way she was shy but at the same time did not tend to care what people think. Around this time I felt like I could and would do anything for her. She deserved all I could give her and more.
And she had even invited me to go on a trip with her to an anime/nerdy shit convention in Memphis. The one in Tennessee not the one in Egypt. I accepted her offer. 3 days with the most beautiful girl in the world. Summer had come after the annual “benchmark” tests that the whole school dreads. Everyone was ready to leave and go home and do all that stuff kids do when summer vacation comes around. I didnt have any plans. I had basically stayed at home all the time waiting for June 21st to come.
June 21st, thats the day the trip to Memphis started. My dads girlfriend had gotten me up pretty early and drove me to the iHop in town. We had agreed to meet each other there. We sat and ate for a while as Me, Caylin(the girl that i've been talking so much about and i'm surprised i haven't used her name yet) and her friends Kate and Kristen ate. Caylins mom and My dads girlfriend were eating to but i ignored them. I focused on Caylin, who I guess didnt want to sit bye me in the booth we were at. She sat next to Kate and Kristen and I sat across from them. They were all giggling and squealing about the things they wanted to do at the convention. I on the other hand couldn't have cared less. The only reason I agreed to go was to spend time with Caylin.
It was a longish trip with a detour to the goodwill store and a Freds pharmacy. We made it to the hotel the convention was at and it was...pretty huge. By my standards anyways. It was a really tall reflective glass circular tower. We were still in the car and i was pretty much just looking at the hotel. Caylin and Kate on the other hand were freaking the tits out.
“OH MAH GOD I SEE ANOTHER GAMZEE!” and a bunch of stuff to that degree. I was kinda happy to see her happy though. We went to many booths and rooms that day full of different crap about anime and Doctor Who and posters and trinkets and souvenirs. I wasn't really interested in most of it, but i will admit I liked some of the stuff. I mean who wouldnt love Assassins Creed and Minecraft. But like I said. I was there for Caylin. I didn't get to do much with her though, In the realm of relationships that is. It was kinda like she was avoiding me. At the end of the day we went up to our hotel room and everyone got to sleep in a bed...but me. I was on the floor. with caylins friend dusting her Cheeto dust off of her fingers and on to me. It kinda sucked. I fell asleep and waited for morning.
The next morning we did basically the same stuff just with different panels. And the rare guy in a Deadpool outfit jamming his fingers up a dudes butt who happened to be dressed like Kakashi from Naruto. Yeah, that happened. And also we made a new friend with the 17 year old guy. He was pretty cool. we were just running around the hotels little pond at some time at night. and I jokingly asked Caylin if she would go out with me now. She surprised me with her answer.
“Idontknowmaybepossiblyyeah”
She said yes…...SHE SAID YES! AFTER MY LONG YEAH OF TRYING TO GET HER TO SAY YES TO ME AND SHE FINALLY DID. You might not have been able to tell at the time. But I was excited. No, thats an understatement. I was exhilarated. That was the best feeling ever...wow this story sucks. but I wrote it for the girl that I love the most and hope she kinda likes it. I love you Caylin. Im sorry for all the shit ive put your through this summer and school year. You deserve better and we both know its true. But i am glad youve put up with me this long. forever. I mean it