deepundergroundpoetry.com
<3 you more
Wishes may not count for much
Feelings are maybe even less
Looking at you I start to clutch,
At my chest
Wanting to take your breath away
Wanting to have a chance
Trying to make your feelings sway
I can tell your happy, at but a glance
I can't stop thinking of what could be
I can't help wishing it was me
-♥
Feelings are maybe even less
Looking at you I start to clutch,
At my chest
Wanting to take your breath away
Wanting to have a chance
Trying to make your feelings sway
I can tell your happy, at but a glance
I can't stop thinking of what could be
I can't help wishing it was me
-♥
Published 19th Apr 2011
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19th Apr 2011 12:04pm
...this is not much of a poem for the reader...you told us nothing of either you or the other person, tried to rhyme then killed it in line 4, used weak words like 'want' and then ended it with a greeting-card cliche...
Have another go, and try to get to the guts of it, in your voice.
Have another go, and try to get to the guts of it, in your voice.
