Check and Double Check Again (A spoken word poem about obsessive compulsive disorder).

Check and double check again.
Check and double check again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
This is the entirety of my life.
I need the specifics, every detail of every day.
That’s the way it’s always been.
Do NOT move that from where it belongs.
It makes the inside of my head feel so feverishly wrong.
Placement and order.
Order and place.
I crave a path to follow.
I need a trail to trace.
I wish I could hault the madness.
I wish I could find the brakes.
I would not be ready.
For myself I cannot brace.
Why do my obsessions make me feel so flawed?
Why does my brain feel like it’s constantly competing in a race?
I KNOW I CANNOT WIN.
I feel my defeat every minute of every day.
Every time I watch the seconds turn to minutes, and minutes turn to hours, and hours turn into days, and weeks to months and months to years.
I cannot win.
If you know me at all, you know that I can’t ever shut up.
Imagine what that sounds like inside my head..
I can actually hear my thoughts and they always argue amongst themselves.
Obtrusive worrying wonder.
Worrying obsessing overthinking.
Always..always..always..
Check and double check again.
Check and double check again.
And again.
And again.
And again..