deepundergroundpoetry.com
Nothing is as simple as Black or White
Sometimes I wonder, "what was the point?"
of me just keeping everything to myself for so long,
if everyone I had tried so hard to protect
wound up getting hurt in the end.
Its not exactly the best feeling in the world
for your younger brother to find out the reason
of why you used to cry so much at night.
(And it was absolutely infuriating,
when people would confront my brother
about my imperfections.
I was never approachable,
but he was..but this is off topic)
And it felt horrible
for people to either think of me as a liar
or him as a damned to hell bastard.
Something messed him up,
and eventually I ended up being messed up too.
We both did bad things, but we were both good people.
This isn't an "I'm still in love with him" kinda poem
these are just my feelings about
how much I hate
that everyone sees things in such a "black or white" manner.
Other people have no right to judge
they don't know what he's been through
and they don't know what I've been through
(or at least they will never know how it felt for me to live it)
But I guess He and I both had something
each other didn't have
but wanted so dearly.
I had a great childhood and a wonderful family.
But he has always had everyone there (teachers, peers, etc)
to care about him.
I never wanted anyone to get hurt
but sometimes one person's sacrifice isn't enough-
especially if they were trying to get over
what caused them pain in the first place.
But it doesn't matter anymore-
what is done is done.
Now there's only to live with the consequences.
And I'm okay with that.
Posting my story anonymously on here
may have led to everyone finding out
but it also helped me to accept it,
forgive it, and move on.
Besides, it just means I don't need to lie anymore.
And although that old teacher probably thinks of me
as a spineless, lying wretch right now,
I'm just glad to know that he will always have what he needs,
but also what I don't have.
It makes me feel better about moving on -
I know that he'll still be happy.
though still wish people weren't as closeminded;
you don't know his story
and its not my place to tell it.
But just keep in mind,
nobody grows up wanting
to rape the girl of their dreams multiple times.
And no "waiting till her wedding night" kinda girl,
secretly hopes to have her dreams crushed
and lose the person she is inside,
while using love to get sex
just to try and forget everything.
(news update; my brother now believes it was just a school rumor... not too sure I want to correct him.. I never want to personally admit it to him, but its not like I just want him believing my reality is just some baseless rumor)
of me just keeping everything to myself for so long,
if everyone I had tried so hard to protect
wound up getting hurt in the end.
Its not exactly the best feeling in the world
for your younger brother to find out the reason
of why you used to cry so much at night.
(And it was absolutely infuriating,
when people would confront my brother
about my imperfections.
I was never approachable,
but he was..but this is off topic)
And it felt horrible
for people to either think of me as a liar
or him as a damned to hell bastard.
Something messed him up,
and eventually I ended up being messed up too.
We both did bad things, but we were both good people.
This isn't an "I'm still in love with him" kinda poem
these are just my feelings about
how much I hate
that everyone sees things in such a "black or white" manner.
Other people have no right to judge
they don't know what he's been through
and they don't know what I've been through
(or at least they will never know how it felt for me to live it)
But I guess He and I both had something
each other didn't have
but wanted so dearly.
I had a great childhood and a wonderful family.
But he has always had everyone there (teachers, peers, etc)
to care about him.
I never wanted anyone to get hurt
but sometimes one person's sacrifice isn't enough-
especially if they were trying to get over
what caused them pain in the first place.
But it doesn't matter anymore-
what is done is done.
Now there's only to live with the consequences.
And I'm okay with that.
Posting my story anonymously on here
may have led to everyone finding out
but it also helped me to accept it,
forgive it, and move on.
Besides, it just means I don't need to lie anymore.
And although that old teacher probably thinks of me
as a spineless, lying wretch right now,
I'm just glad to know that he will always have what he needs,
but also what I don't have.
It makes me feel better about moving on -
I know that he'll still be happy.
though still wish people weren't as closeminded;
you don't know his story
and its not my place to tell it.
But just keep in mind,
nobody grows up wanting
to rape the girl of their dreams multiple times.
And no "waiting till her wedding night" kinda girl,
secretly hopes to have her dreams crushed
and lose the person she is inside,
while using love to get sex
just to try and forget everything.
(news update; my brother now believes it was just a school rumor... not too sure I want to correct him.. I never want to personally admit it to him, but its not like I just want him believing my reality is just some baseless rumor)
Published 26th Sep 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 0
reads 576
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
