Nidificate (to build a nest)

You are my shelter, my torture
my place of homelessness

I am lost without you
and I am lost within you
a ghost in a circus of phantoms
miming out their rebirths

I can’t change
I can’t stay the same
why do you make so much sense
when you aren’t mine
to fall into when my words
are falling apart

This body is the closest thing
I have to a home
a resting place
when the sun descends
and binds me to the hopelessness
of another starless night
tangled in the trees I tried to climb

Your words beat inside my ribcage
and I’m more lost for them
than I’ve ever been without them
for they promise things I can’t abide

And in that moment of silence
just before dawn
before the birds rise to sing
and collate their nests
I can say the words daylight scorns
I don’t want you here anymore
for this is my place
and I refuse to nidificate around in you
in the hope you’ll find me home

© Indie Adams 2014
23-9-14
30 Day Poetry Challenge Day 20