Why Should I live

Sometimes I just wanna die because I no longer wanna cry that's why I like to smoke weed and get hella high. I don't understand why i'm always thinking about murder and rape doesn't matter whether i'm asleep or awake. I don't wanna have these thoughts anymore I rather be gutted like a wild boar or beat to death like a pimp does to his cheapest whore. I don't really care how I die long as its full of blood and gore. I'm too evil minded to keep alive thinking about killing my rival's son that's only five. I feel like my mind is going through a constant battle between good and bad. When I die my family should be glad that i'm free of all the bad but my mom will be sad and so will my dad. Hopefully these thoughts of mine will be gone before my life runs out of time.