deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Told You
I told you I loved you
And you turned away
I told you I longed for you
And you walked away
I told you needed you
And I lost you in a hurricane
And at my funeral
You turned away in shame
And you turned away
I told you I longed for you
And you walked away
I told you needed you
And I lost you in a hurricane
And at my funeral
You turned away in shame
Published 15th Apr 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Apr 2011 9:52am
..in line 5, this says enough to me that your writing has potential.
But I'd like to see you escape from the chains of cliche so that the real poet you can emerge.
Best ~ Abra
But I'd like to see you escape from the chains of cliche so that the real poet you can emerge.
Best ~ Abra
15th Apr 2011 8:55pm
27th Apr 2011 5:33pm
like the poem a lot. yeah there's a little repitition in some of your poems, but don't worry, as long as it comes from the heart its good. i used to feel this way. my gf dumped me.. well you can read my poems or about me section to hear the story lol. but i don't feel like dying anymore. i found a new love. just ask "loves-my-ducky". :) anyways, great poem.
