deepundergroundpoetry.com
Candidly
Could we maybe speak candidly
I like the way you handle me
Stay close by me when you sleep
It's a topic that we don't breach
What I'm to you and you're to me
We tip toe, we whisper, we think
All the while developing
What I'll admit are feelings
Honestly it's got me reeling
Cause honesty's such a tight fit
but so are you and I like it
I'm not sure what to say or do
So fuck it, candidly, I like you.
I like the way you handle me
Stay close by me when you sleep
It's a topic that we don't breach
What I'm to you and you're to me
We tip toe, we whisper, we think
All the while developing
What I'll admit are feelings
Honestly it's got me reeling
Cause honesty's such a tight fit
but so are you and I like it
I'm not sure what to say or do
So fuck it, candidly, I like you.
Published 18th Sep 2014
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likes 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Sep 2014 8:47am
18th Sep 2014 8:54am
My first thought was to say - that last bit should be "I love you" ... but then I thought liking someone for who they are can be invaluable. We have many relationships where we may love a person but not like who they are (parents and siblings) ... Not to mention professional relationships where we grin and bare it ...
... so yeah, "like" works great.
... so yeah, "like" works great.
The use of "like" in this instance is mostly because the poem is about two people who get together, go out, and hook up, but there's no definition of what they are, and this poem is kind of about that moment of clarity when it hits you that person is so much more than you realized.
It isn't love, but it's giving into the possibility of falling in love again, it's opening that door.
It isn't love, but it's giving into the possibility of falling in love again, it's opening that door.
7th Oct 2014 1:14am
"Stay close by me when you sleep
It's a topic that we don't breach
What I'm to you and you're to me "
Could of wrapped the whole piece in quotation marks. Nail on the head, Last line is perfect.
More short and snappy!
It's a topic that we don't breach
What I'm to you and you're to me "
Could of wrapped the whole piece in quotation marks. Nail on the head, Last line is perfect.
More short and snappy!
6th Feb 2015 4:26pm
I just went through something like this. You describe it very well. I like the topic we don't breach part and the tip toe part. Lyrical as intended and I like the way you built it up all the way to the last line. Good write!
