deepundergroundpoetry.com
Four Pirates
At the bar
Waiting to score
A little something
We pull a cone each
The other Steve
He was a jockey long ago
Face lined by life
Now that’s a knife!
His young friend from jail
The Irishman on edge
Lookin’ for a fight
He notices my shoes
Brand new Doc Martins
“They’ll need Dubbin”
I wonder if he’s carrying
A gun
Steve starts his chainsaw
No-one flinches
Waiting to score
A little something
We pull a cone each
The other Steve
He was a jockey long ago
Face lined by life
Now that’s a knife!
His young friend from jail
The Irishman on edge
Lookin’ for a fight
He notices my shoes
Brand new Doc Martins
“They’ll need Dubbin”
I wonder if he’s carrying
A gun
Steve starts his chainsaw
No-one flinches
Published 17th Sep 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Sep 2014 3:31pm
I like the opening lines, as they are relatable to many. This could be a nice short story poem but the story line was cut-off short. Suggest that you work on the content until it climaxed, then add some twist in the concluding lines. Just sayin'...(some say less is more, it depends!)
@EngrVV
@EngrVV
24th Sep 2014 3:09pm
