deepundergroundpoetry.com
People of the Poem
Armies of men and women
as I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental.
As the other call me insane and mental
you guys are thinking.
Oh the way the words work with my drinking.
It fills me with delight
and I can now sleep in the night.
The doors open and shut
that and the fact my old girlfriend was a slut,
reminds me of the fabric
of the strange tactic.
The tactic of people,
The people of the poems without equal.
as I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental.
As the other call me insane and mental
you guys are thinking.
Oh the way the words work with my drinking.
It fills me with delight
and I can now sleep in the night.
The doors open and shut
that and the fact my old girlfriend was a slut,
reminds me of the fabric
of the strange tactic.
The tactic of people,
The people of the poems without equal.
Published 4th Aug 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 513
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Aug 2014 4:19pm
"Armies of men and women
as I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental."
I'm sorry to say this but your opening line is weak and incomplete...it does not make sense in a way. Usually, as I am stuck...should be preceeded by an action word and not by a noun, as in what are you doing before you get stuck in the den?
Another way of putting this without changing your thoughts:
I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental--
armies of men and women.
There are more things to work on but overall you have a good and stable thoughts to work on. Keep on writing and editing until you get your message through loud and clear. I love your last line: The people of the poems without equal.
By the way, welcome to DUP Valley.
@EngrVV
as I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental."
I'm sorry to say this but your opening line is weak and incomplete...it does not make sense in a way. Usually, as I am stuck...should be preceeded by an action word and not by a noun, as in what are you doing before you get stuck in the den?
Another way of putting this without changing your thoughts:
I am stuck in a den,
a den of people who lie and are Judgmental--
armies of men and women.
There are more things to work on but overall you have a good and stable thoughts to work on. Keep on writing and editing until you get your message through loud and clear. I love your last line: The people of the poems without equal.
By the way, welcome to DUP Valley.
@EngrVV
4th Aug 2014 4:22pm
