I Did This To Myself

I didn't sleep last night.
I was just laying there
waiting for him to call.
I got his text at 2:30
that said he was ready.
I was too persistent to sleep
to call him or even text back.
I was actually making an attempt
to astral project
or lucid dream as others say.

It's not that he took too long.
It's not that I didn't want to talk.
I was just persistent to sleep.

I had actually fallen asleep
around three, but woke up at four.
Ever since I woke up,
I had thought of him all day.

Here Are Some Of The Thoughts

"He's so gorgeous.
He's extremely sweet.
He's also bisexual and has a girlfriend.

But he's also moving to the town over.
Then it can finally be just the two of us.
Wow, I sound clingy.
I usually break up with guys for
being so clingy.

Okay, just relax,don't think of him.
You just got off of medication finally
and you don't need an anxiety attack.

*I turn on my phone and our convo is on the screen*
*I scroll through it and suddenly see a pic of his dick*

Oh my Goddess,
why did i do that?
(I practically stared at the picture)"



So, yeah.
It was mainly seeing that pic and
reading our old convos that REALLY
started the continuous thought process.

All day, i just wanted to just
hug him and kiss him and *sigh*.

Honestly, his girlfriend is
awful to him. I wish I could take him
and make him happy. I could
give him real love.

I'm not like most guys.
I'm gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm a misanthrope.


Okay, so later this afternoon,
I fell asleep.
I had a dream of him;
a dirty dream.

He texted me when I woke up,
saying he had a dream about me.

He had the same dream.
It's like we met in the astral plane.

Here's the dream:
"It's mid day and he and
I are texting and I send a
text saying that I'm jacking off.
We meet at someone's house where
we pretty much have hardcore anal
sex and fall asleep in a loving position."

He and I woke up around the same time.
That made me think about him even more.

It's the end of the day, and
I can't help but think,
"I Did This To Myself."