I Don't Know What To Do

I walk carelessly on the streets
I drink recklessly at the bar
I drive wildly on the road

I play with drugs foolishly
I taste everything in my chemistry set
I walk the streets at nights backwards

I want to get killed but I'm afraid to do it
I don't know how to get help
I don't know if I want help

I just feel confused and miserable
All the time
All the time I want to die
All the time I want to cry
All the time I ask why
Why don't I just die

Is life really that hard to leave behind
Is death really better then living
Is this my last poem