deepundergroundpoetry.com
my love
your very lovely
my love
it was almost like as if you were sent from above
my dear, as you should know
roses are red
violets are blue
no matter how you act
i'll always love you
be you alive, or be you dead
are love is a story soon to be read
when are hearts connect there is a light
it will shine now and forever on our special night
blood pulses through my veins
my heart booms like an earthquake
i'm just waiting for your deadly sweet kiss
haven't you known that you've been always on my list
youre strong beautiful musclur body
leaves me wanting more
and for one day and one day only
i hope....oh won't you come to my door?
my love
it was almost like as if you were sent from above
my dear, as you should know
roses are red
violets are blue
no matter how you act
i'll always love you
be you alive, or be you dead
are love is a story soon to be read
when are hearts connect there is a light
it will shine now and forever on our special night
blood pulses through my veins
my heart booms like an earthquake
i'm just waiting for your deadly sweet kiss
haven't you known that you've been always on my list
youre strong beautiful musclur body
leaves me wanting more
and for one day and one day only
i hope....oh won't you come to my door?
Published 2nd Apr 2011
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reading list entries 0
comments 3
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The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Apr 2011 3:29am
...terrible writing. The first line has a spelling mistake, an unnecessary word, and a weak word...a perfect way to start a cliche-ridden uninteresting poem that, in one version or another, has been posted on here a thousand times before...
Use a spellcheck, ditch words like very, don't rhyme unless you have practised rhyme to death so it doesn't feel forced, pick a more interesting subject, don't post work straight after you have written it...it might be worse than you think...
Use a spellcheck, ditch words like very, don't rhyme unless you have practised rhyme to death so it doesn't feel forced, pick a more interesting subject, don't post work straight after you have written it...it might be worse than you think...
2nd Apr 2011 4:22am
I on the other hand like your poem and don't really care bout spelling mistakes sure you can fix it poetry is bout feelings and what you think or imagine. Not about grammar or errors. Well done :)
2nd Apr 2011 6:55am
