deepundergroundpoetry.com
Knight.
Re-Edited:
Palms like stone,
Await hand to find,
Eyes that searched,
Tear blue underlined,
The shining armor,
Welcomed the rust,
His words of hope,
Were never to trust,
Lips once so sweet,
Bitten and scarred,
Loves roaring flames,
Dwindled and charred,
The ashes were scattered,
The statue still stands,
Alone in loves graveyard,
Awaiting his hands.
Palms like stone,
Await hand to find,
Eyes that searched,
Tear blue underlined,
The shining armor,
Welcomed the rust,
His words of hope,
Were never to trust,
Lips once so sweet,
Bitten and scarred,
Loves roaring flames,
Dwindled and charred,
The ashes were scattered,
The statue still stands,
Alone in loves graveyard,
Awaiting his hands.
Published 1st Apr 2011
| Edited 19th Nov 2011
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Apr 2011 12:28pm
this is a good poem annie. i,m no expert all i can offer you is this.it might be an idea to break it up a bit that way the full impact of the content might be felt. hope that makes some sense
2nd Apr 2011 1:19pm
2nd Apr 2011 4:56pm
thank you annie. Very nice...just some thoughts...
to deep-> too deep?
scilence-> silence?
the rhythm, the flow is broken once:
When you breathe in translucent life,->
When you deeply breathe in translucent life,?
to deep-> too deep?
scilence-> silence?
the rhythm, the flow is broken once:
When you breathe in translucent life,->
When you deeply breathe in translucent life,?
19th Nov 2011 8:15pm
