I Am From

I am from the pain I feel every night
I am from wanting to die
I am from the cuts I carved into my skin
I am from wanting it all to just go away
I am from my mom neglecting me
and my dad beating me
I am from my fucked up family
that never tried to raise me
I am from raising myself
I am from getting jumped every day after school
because the boys didn't like the way my face looked
I am from the fear of death
and how it sits at the foot of my bed every night
I am from when I gave up
I am from when I lost everything
and didn't give a fuck
I am from pushing anyone that ever cared about me
farther and farther out of my life
I am from the time my cousin molested me
and the time my brother made me strip so his friend could touch me
I am from wanting to hate them
I am from them making me feel like I wanted it
and that it was all my fault
I am from being just like my dad
and fucking up anyone who stood in my way
I am from realizing I was just like him
I am from drowning myself with a bottle
I am from when I took control
I am from healing
and
I am from trying to be understood