deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tylenol
"I'm always dreaming
Even when I'm awake" -The Last Unicorn
This coffee tastes acrid,
Like chewed up Tylenol.
This cigarette feels like my oldest friend today.
Longing for more
Always wanting
Never fully awake, I'm afraid.
Even when I'm awake" -The Last Unicorn
This coffee tastes acrid,
Like chewed up Tylenol.
This cigarette feels like my oldest friend today.
Longing for more
Always wanting
Never fully awake, I'm afraid.
Published 29th Mar 2011
| Edited 30th Mar 2011
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
29th Mar 2011 9:52pm
"Always dreaming, even when I'm awake" Is one of my favorite lines from "The Last Unicorn". I have seen that movie hundreds of times. I am sooo the last unicorn ;)
Anonymous
29th Mar 2011 9:59pm
I'd recommend you remove the last quote and use it as an epigram instead. That way it could still be a part of the piece and influence it without marring your original words, like it does when placed at the end. "I'm afraid" would be such a more potent finale.
Other than that, this is a splendid slice of life, rich and crunchy like honeyed biscuits, with an original simile and a surprisingly effective third line.
Other than that, this is a splendid slice of life, rich and crunchy like honeyed biscuits, with an original simile and a surprisingly effective third line.
29th Mar 2011 11:00pm
Anonymous
31st Mar 2011 6:58am
I liked this a lot, I'm also a massive fan of The Last Unicorn, ah they don't make them like that anymore...........
- Jer
- Jer
6th Apr 2011 10:56pm
Hardly anyone is a massive fan of that movie. :D I love that I'm not the last "Last Unicorn" fan.
