What is "Me"?

There will never be enough coffee or lavender to keep me happy.
The happiest I ever feel is in my room at three in the morning basking in the dim light of my butterfly lamp.
But that’s also my loneliest time.
It gives me time to think, and it’s when I become all the versions of myself that I forget later.
Sometimes, I document these differences.
When I return to these writings, I miss these times.
It makes me miss the old versions of myself, almost like missing old friends.
Because I know I’ll probably never feel these ways again, I’m so all over the place.
So all I can hope to do is listen to melodramatic music and hope that at least an inkling of one of my former selves will start to shine through.
I just wish it would because then I’d start to recognize myself, for once.