deepundergroundpoetry.com
Combat Caterpillar
With sure strike and swift speed
the robot flies through the air
basked in monochrome glory
reflecting on its arms
along its caterpillar body
and bulbous head,
as it adopts offenisve move 56:
arms back, body down
head forwards
combat parameters initiated
and victory ensured,
an age old pose
for a new being,
a quick attack
that hies its true silver sheen.
A combat caterpillar,
a rearing pillar of attack.
the robot flies through the air
basked in monochrome glory
reflecting on its arms
along its caterpillar body
and bulbous head,
as it adopts offenisve move 56:
arms back, body down
head forwards
combat parameters initiated
and victory ensured,
an age old pose
for a new being,
a quick attack
that hies its true silver sheen.
A combat caterpillar,
a rearing pillar of attack.
Published 23rd May 2014
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likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 9
reads 1149
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The author encourages honest critique.
24th May 2014 00:55am
I like this a lot, good Lord. I've seen the gif ..or whatever you youngsters call it nowadays.
having seen it, I was able to picture the sequence easily. I'm not sure of the legality but I think it would be great if you were able to have tha gif here.
that's not to say it needs it, far from it, I think the two combined would be a great experience. You've given me an idea or rather I've given myself one. I think I'll keep it for Dragons den
nice word choice with hies and bulbous is great too. nice bit of allit at the top and the punctuation works well for traffic lights. your pace and voice work really well but I'd question two words. robot and flies. I think you could come up with much better words than that.
this is great reading, enjoyed it immensely.
keep shinin' good fellow
having seen it, I was able to picture the sequence easily. I'm not sure of the legality but I think it would be great if you were able to have tha gif here.
that's not to say it needs it, far from it, I think the two combined would be a great experience. You've given me an idea or rather I've given myself one. I think I'll keep it for Dragons den
nice word choice with hies and bulbous is great too. nice bit of allit at the top and the punctuation works well for traffic lights. your pace and voice work really well but I'd question two words. robot and flies. I think you could come up with much better words than that.
this is great reading, enjoyed it immensely.
keep shinin' good fellow
25th May 2014 00:16am
I would post the gif here but could only do a link to the competition with my skills, although I forgot to add that to begin with.
I am glad it comes across easily. 'Robot' and 'flies' still wrangle with me and all I can come up for as replacements are long meandering phrases. Making it all sound like a forgeign proverb: mechanised-automaton.
What do you think of mech and soars instead?
I am glad it comes across easily. 'Robot' and 'flies' still wrangle with me and all I can come up for as replacements are long meandering phrases. Making it all sound like a forgeign proverb: mechanised-automaton.
What do you think of mech and soars instead?
25th May 2014 3:41am
You may have to follow the link back to where it came from ie click on it and it may bring you to youtube then get the url and post it here as you would any multimedia.
mech sounds ok. I was thinking Sentinel soars or T173 glides. I think if you throw a few random numbers and letters together it'll sound robot like. R2D2 and C3p0 aRe taken
mech sounds ok. I was thinking Sentinel soars or T173 glides. I think if you throw a few random numbers and letters together it'll sound robot like. R2D2 and C3p0 aRe taken
26th May 2014 00:28am
I would rather go all cliche mechanicum with random numbers as it would then not describe what the thing is. Robot or mech is clear but a sentinel S130 leaves people thinking about what that is exactly rather than the way it moves.
27th May 2014 10:47pm
that's a fair point in fairness. I didn't think of that at all ..don't s'pose Catterbot xt2050 would tickle your fancy? ..I jest. on reflection I think you've the right balance the way you have it. sorry 'bout that
28th May 2014 00:06am
I would rather have criticism and pointers and be able to dissuade against them than none at all and be unaware of the obvious rubbish. And from such august company at that, no need to apologise.
24th May 2014 5:17am
25th May 2014 00:17am
Theirs is not to reason why, theirs is but to compute and never die. Or maybe its the rising of the insects with technology.
24th Jul 2014 1:56am
