Collector

How can i feel such joy and sorrow
All at once
Gratitude and bliss
Joy
I feel it all, I am happy at last
Yet the sorrow I feel seems to never leave me either
I walk with this weight inside my chest
I am starting to feel like a collector of sorts
I collect losses like others do stamps
Every loss is a bleeding wound inside me
That never heals
Yet my bliss is untouched by this
Happy
At last
Despite the losses bleeding in my chest
Despite the pain that grants me no rest
Despite the sorrow that weighs me down
I smile and I laugh and it doesn’t feel fake
I grin and I joke and it doesn’t tear at my heart
Like a lie
I am happy. I live in bliss
Bliss has space for sorrow and I
Just realized I never knew this.