deepundergroundpoetry.com
Blush: Dig Deeper, Bleed Darker
"Striking the match across my thumbnail, it's too slow of an action to me. The sparks stay in the air for too long and I haven't taken a breath in what feels like hours. Snow White couldn't have done it better, she paved the way. You sleep with the enemy, you sleep with the rich, you tear your way in with a calming, sweet smile and they let you in, they always do. The match falls on the heap of limbs. 'Here comes the sun.' ~ Jade Day
DR. NIGHTMARE: Hello? Mr. Nino?
[Dr. Nightmare whistles and snaps his fingers twice]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Are you ready for the procedure?
DO: It’s not like I have a choice now do I?
DR. NIGHTMARE: You always have a choice Mr. Nino. Your very future lies within the consciousness of every decision you may or may not make. With that being said which choice do you think will effectively see that you are better off?
DO: Well neither you or I can predict the future so we might as well continue playing and see what happens.
[Dr. Nightmare chuckles]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Not bad for a young man such as yourself, Mr Nino.
DO: I try. Let us carry on with the procedure now shall we sir?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, yes right. Please fill out these papers to ensure that we have your full consent to conduct any and/or all events of this procedure.
DO: How can I possibly fill out these papers if I am still restrained by this straight jacket?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, how foolish of me to have forgotten.
[Dr. Nightmare then begins unbuckling Do’s straight jacket. He then removes the jacket and passes Do a check pad and a pen with multiple documents. Do then begins to sign them. Dr. Nightmare closely reviews the papers as Do is signing them]
DO: Okay, I’m done.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Great now if you’ll just initial here, here and here we will be ready to go.
[Do finishes initialing his papers and passes them back to Dr. Nightmare.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Thank you Mr. Nino. I’ll give you a couple of minutes to relax while I run and grab my list of questions. You may talk to AnaÏs while she performs a brief blood test on you.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Dr. Nightmare.
[AnaÏs blushes with a slight smile as she twists both of her knees inward. She then walks over to sit in the chair directly across from Do. She pulls out her first aid kit and opens it. She takes out a lancet, some sanitary wipes and some gauze.]
NURSE YUCKI: Hello, Mr. Nino. How are you doing today?
[Anaïs opens a pack of sanitary wipes and begins wiping Do’s right ring finger. She then pricks his finger with the lancet drawing forth small droplets of blood. Do slightly winces in pain. Anaïs then places a small test tube to the test site in which his finger was pricked in order to draw blood.]
DO: Please just call me Do. I’m doing alright I suppose. How about yourself?
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. I am doing okay though I am quite tired. I have been here since five this morning and it is now a quarter to one.
DO: I can understand how that may be hard on you. Not everyone is a morning person.
NURSE YUCKI: Yeah, you’re right. The pay is great here though so I suppose it is worth dealing with.
DO: Yeah but is that ever really enough? Is that truly all that you want?
NURSE YUCKI: No, of course not. I have dreams just like everybody else. This job exists as just an in the moment thing for me. It is a means to get me by or as most people say “a leg up” in the industry.
DO: Those times are always the most trying.
NURSE YUCKI: You can say that again.
[Anaïs eventually finishes drawing blood from Do’s finger and places a couple of pieces of gauze to it and wrapped a band-aid around it. She then pours the blood sample into a slightly bigger and wider test tube and then places a top over it placing it along with the lancet back into her first aid kit.]
DO: Those times are always the most trying.
[Anaïs laughs. Do slightly smiles in return.]
NURSE YUCKI: I didn’t mean literally silly ha ha.
DO: Hey a little humor never hurt anyone ha ha.
NURSE YUCKI: If that were the case this place would cease to be a business.
[Anaïs and Do both laughed.]
NURSE YUCKI: I don’t mean to be a creep but I think you have really pretty eyes.
[Do was an African-American man with short, curly black hair. He also had dark brown eyes with his skin being the shade of chocolate chip cookie brown. He had a goatee as well.]
DO: Thank you, Anaïs. You’re honestly a lot funnier than I thought plus you are very beautiful.
[Anaïs was a white British woman with long, jet black hair and winter blue eyes. She had fairly tan skin along with a nice figure. She also wore black lipstick and had various tattoos.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. So do you ha—
[The door to Do’s padded cell abruptly opens.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Okay, I’m back. Thank you for keeping my patient company Anaïs.
NURSE YUCKI: Oh, you’re welcome, Archie.
[Anaïs stomped very loudly as she walked away.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: I told that bitch I don’t like when people call me Archie in public.
DO: Well, that is your birth name is it not? Besides Anaïs is a really nice woman.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That’s like saying a vagina is a teething ring.
DO: So are you saying you have been sexless for six months or are you asexual?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Hey, who is the doctor here?
DO: I’m just saying. You may be inserting your tongue incorrectly.
[Dr. Nightmare ignores Do’s comments blushing out of embarrassment.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, if you are done fooling around we can begin.
DO: Let’s do it.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Okay, Mr Nino. Your first name is Do, correct?
DO: Yes, sir.
DR. NIGHTMARE: We already know your last name so on to the next question. What is your date of birth?
DO: August 2, 1990
DR. NIGHTMARE: Ah, so you’re twenty-three years old eh?? I thought you were like sixteen.
DO: Ha ha nope but I get that a lot so it’s nothing I’m not used to.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where are you from?
DO: Springfield, Illinois
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where were you currently living before you came here?
DO: Cordova, Tennessee
DR. NIGHTMARE: Did you like it there?
DO: No, not really. I actually hate it there and am desperate to get away from there and move to a bigger city.
DR NIGHTMARE: Oh? What for may I ask?
DO: To take advantage of more career opportunities to achieve my dreams.
DR. NIGHTMARE: I really like where your head is at kid. Who were you currently living with before you came here?
DO: My mother along with three of my siblings, niece and nephew.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you get along with them at all?
DO: When I want to but even then it is just a feigned interest.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where were you working before you came to this institution?
DO: I was working as a dishwasher and prep cook at my local pancake joint and bakery. The name of the restaurant is Love 'N’ Lust.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That title sounds intriguing. What kind of food do they make there? Do they pay you well for your services?
DO: We make all kinds of foods in the shape and/or imagery of sexually provocative thought patterns. Basically we make cakes in the shapes of genitals, breasts, ass, etc… We do this for breakfast, lunch and dinner around the clock. They pay me $7.25 an hour.
DR. NIGHTMARE: I got to take my girlfriend some time soon. You get paid more to do that here. I believe the maximum is $15 an hour in translation from Euro dollars to American dollars.
DO: You won’t regret it sir. There are actually some of restaurants located throughout France.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Thank you, Mr. Nino. I’ll keep that in mind.
DO: You’re welcome, sir.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you have any passions, Mr. Nino?
DO: Yes, I do. As a matter of fact I have two passions. They are poetry and disc jockeying.
DR. NIGHTMARE: How long have you been writing poetry and disc jockeying?
DO: I have been writing poetry since November of 2008. I am only just beginning within the disc jockeying field.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What were you like in school, Mr. Nino?
DO: I’ve been to many schools doctor. I require that you be more specific
DR. NIGHTMARE: What was life like for you in high school?
DO: Well, I never actively made the effort to socialize with anyone outside of school simply because I was disinterested. When people would take part in extracurricular activities I would just ignore them and go home. I never even went to my own prom.
DR. NIGHTMARE: And why didn’t you go to your prom?
DO: Because I never had a date nor did I have the courage to ask one of the girls out
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, I would tell you that I understand but I have no idea what that is like. In my day I was a jock. Everybody knew me. All the girls wanted to talk to me.
DO: Yeah, you’re not helping.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Nino
DO: It’s alright, doctor.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Moving on, what was your life like as you were growing up?
DO: There was lots of domestic violence and unwanted sheriff visits because my mother would always feel the urge to call the police every time I voiced an opinion that she did not agree with. I have even been in physical fights with her, my father, brother, sister and grandmother. I even splashed orange juice in my grandmother's face one time because she was pissing me the fuck off. There was the occasional use and profiting of the most popular drug at the time by a parent because my father smoked and sold drugs. He hung out with the wrong people a lot of the times mostly people who desired to buy drugs from him. Day in and day out deep down I feel that there are still some grudges floating around. My family won’t let me move past them nor will they let me forget about them. They always like to bring them up every chance that they get. I was also expelled from middle school at the age of fourteen for tossing my gym shorts at the assistant principal when she told me to shut up while I was talking. I felt disrespected and it pissed me off. I didn’t know what else to do. I also took antidepressants at the age of sixteen for crying out loud and when I was twenty I was mugged only just one week shy of my twenty-first birthday. It was a late night and I was walking home.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Sounds like you have had a rather rough life
DO: Yeah, well my life is not as bad compared to others.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That doesn’t matter Mr. Nino. It still counts. What was the name of the antidepressant medication that you were taking for you depression?
DO: I honestly don’t remember. That was so long ago. I’m twenty-three now. I’ll be twenty-four in the summer so that was nearly eight years ago. I do remember my mother making me take medications such as Stratera and Adderall for Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What is your relationship with your family like now?
DO: I only talk to them when I want or need something like most people, but other than that I steer clear of them to avoid confrontation and drama. Drama never falls short in the Nino family.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Why do you think that is, Mr. Nino?
DO: Well, it’s just that when me and my immediate family members are in the same room together I can feel a significant amount of tension, hatred and anger coursing throughout the room. It makes me feel very uncomfortable so I just leave.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What do you fear the most, Mr. Nino?
DO: Abandonment and death
DR. NIGHTMARE: All of which are very powerful and reasonable things to be in fear of. What is your attitude toward the opposite sex? What was it in childhood and later years?
DO: I always took notice of the hot girls and the unbearably sexy girls. I just never made the effort to talk to them because most of them ignored me or were stuck up and thought they were higher and mightier than me. In later and considerably more recent years my patience for the opposite sex has lessened greatly with each passing day. It has gotten to the point where I hate romantic relationships leading me to believe that they are a complete waste of time. Marriages are pointless as well. I would operate just fine in a No Strings Attached, Friends With Benefits or a One Night Stand type of deal. At least with those types of relationships an emotional connection is not at all required. I like pussy. End of story. I get enough emotional connection through bowel movements.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Are you ambitious, sensitive, inclined to outbursts of temper, domineering, shy, or impatient?
DO: Yes, sir. I am very ambitious. I’m a poet so there is no doubt that I am sensitive. Yes, I do tend to have short, mild outbursts concerning my temper. I get mad when people cut me off or talk over me when I am speaking. I hate when people ignore me and I hate when I try to join a conversation and everyone acts like I am not there. It’s like can’t they see that I am trying to be apart of the conversation. I mean even when I try to socialize and make friends they fail to realize it. It is all alright though. I have learned not to give a fuck anymore. Honestly, it is the best way to avoid any drama in life.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What sort of people did you physically allow yourself to be around you prior to arriving at this institution? Were they impatient, bad-tempered, or affectionate?
DO: Affection was far from the equation, doctor. I was around a lot of impatient and bad-tempered people. When I speak of these people I speak mainly about my family, but also some of my co-workers as well. They drove me incredibly insane. I would often go home depressed and dreading the next work day.
DR. NIGHTMARE: How do you sleep?
DO: Most of the time I find it difficult to sleep. I frequently watch Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response or (ASMR) videos to aid in me that and so far it has worked exceedingly well.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What dreams do you have?
DO: I rarely have any happy dreams I’ll tell you that. Most of the dreams I have are of running down dark hallways, chasing shadows, jumping off of cliffs and being unexpectedly attacked by random strangers whether it be physically or verbally. I also tend to have a lot of dreams where I am screaming my head off at the people surrounding me in the dream. I even go so far as to push their heads back a little with the palm of my hand. I was really mad in those dreams. I have a lot of mildly terrifying as well as psychotically depressing dreams. I also tend to have dreams about abandonment.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What illnesses are there in your family background?
DO: Well both of my grandmas are diabetic however one of them has been deceased for six and a half years now. She was English plus she had struggled with breast cancer for years. One of my sisters has been diagnosed as bipolar. I believe I may be bipolar, but just undiagnosed. I am allergic to penicillin. Both of my little brothers have asthma. One of my brothers is allergic to peanut butter.That’s about it. My father has problems with digesting solid foods. I don’t really know all that much about the history of my family’s mental health. There was one time when my mom called the cops on me when I was sixteen. The cop although unlicensed said that he thinks I may be schizophrenic. I didn’t believe a word that he said back then, but eight years later I am now starting to realize the justness of what he said and even starting to believe it.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Have you ever had sex, Mr. Nino?
DO: No, sir. I have not. I do think about it very often though.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you watch any porn at all?
DO: Every night.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What kind of porn do you like to watch? Do you have any fetishes?
DO: I like to watch female bodybuilders workout in the nude, I also like to watch regular girls fool around in the nude as do most men. I also enjoy watching lesbian porn as well. My fetishes are women with muscle. I’m talking large muscle mass from the neck down. It just gets me so hot. Another fetish of mine and don’t tell anyone this, but I like to watch women take dumps in the toilet. I don’t however like actually seeing the feces. I only like to see them sitting on the toilet while doing it and hearing the sounds. I do not like seeing what is going on underneath. Other fetishes of mine include women with tattoos, tall women, and also slightly psychotic women though intelligent women.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What are you hoping to get out of these sessions and procedures?
DO: I just seek to be happy again. That is all I ask. That is all I want.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well this concludes our interview, Mr. Nino. I will run to the lab and decipher your blood sample as well as your answers. In the meantime I will turn you over to Dr. Skitz and Dr. Crocker.
DO: Who is Dr. Skitz and Dr. Crocker?
DR. NIGHTMARE: They will be conducting your four dimensional emotion detector tests this afternoon.
DO: What is a four dimensional emotion detector test?
DR. NIGHTMARE: A four dimensional emotion detector test is specifically designed to manipulate your emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, and depression. There is a separate room for each test complete with a machine. Each of the rooms have a different color to match the level of intensity of said emotion. What happens is that we put a visor over your eyes and connect you to the machine. Inside of the visor a scenario involving each emotion is created to bring out an emotional response. This response simulates how a patient normally would react to such situations in real life and helps us to effectively evaluate a patient’s emotional health. The only thing is the scenarios are created based on thought processing. Emotions are often generated through thought processing. You have to think of a memory in order for a scenario to be created. Dr. Crocker has been assigned to conduct your happiness, sadness and fear tests. Dr Skitz has been assigned to conduct your anger, anxiety and depression tests. If you are ready Mr. Nino then please follow me to the yellow room.
[Do follows Dr. Nightmare to the yellow room. They arrive and are greeted by Dr. Crocker.]
DR. CROCKER: Hello, Dr. Nightmare. I see you have brought me a new test subject.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Something like that.
[Both Dr. Nightmare and Dr. Crocker chuckled.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Dr. Crocker I’d like you to meet Do Nino. Mr. Nino meet Dr. Crocker.
DR. CROCKER: Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nino. Welcome to the yellow room.
[Dr. Crocker extends his hand to Do. Do proceeds to shake his hand.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, I guess I will leave you guys to it then.
[Anaïs enters the room.]
DR. CROCKER: Well, hey there Anaïs. I take it you have already met Do then?
NURSE YUCKI: Indeed I have. I performed a blood test on him earlier. Hello again, Do.
DO: Hello, Anaïs. It is nice to see you again.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. It is nice to see you again as well. I will be assisting both Dr. Crocker and Dr. Skitz in carrying out the procedures of your tests.
DO: Sounds like a plan.
NURSE YUCKI: Doesn’t it?
[Do and Nino both smile each other.]
DR. CROCKER: So tell me Mr. Nino have you ever taken a four dimensional emotion detector test before?
DO: Up until Dr. Nightmare introduced me to the term I had no idea what that was, but based on what I do know it does sound interesting I’ll give you that.
DR. CROCKER: Let’s get started then shall we? Each test will have an approximate length of five minutes. Everyone reacts differently to these tests so there is a chance that you may have bouts of emotional disturbances. We call this machine the Eº. If you will please step over here we will get you strapped and ready to go. Anaïs please come over here and help me get him strapped in.
[The machine was solid yellow and was shaped like a giant marble with the front of it consisting of an open cavity with everything from top to bottom covered in yellow including the seat. Attached to it was a visor. Do walks over to the machine and Dr. Crocker begins strapping Do in and attaching the emotion detector cables to his body.]
DR. CROCKER: Okay, Mr Nino you are all set. The only thing you need to do now is think of a happy memory. I am sure Dr. Nightmare has already informed you of this.
DO: Yes, sir.
DR. CROCKER: Please put on this visor and we shall begin your happiness test. Remember to think of the happiest memory you have experienced.
DO: I’ll try my best, doctor. I can’t make any promises.
DR. CROCKER: And that is all I ask of you.
[Do begins to drift into deep focus and memory concentration. It is not long before Do is able to think of a decent memory to get the process going. Do is then visually transferred into a scenario that involves the memory as well as the emotion that he is thinking of.]
[Do opens his eyes and takes a deep breath and finds himself laying on his stomach across a living room floor. He was on a laptop chatting with a good female friend of his via instant messaging.]
DO: Hello, Oku how are you?
OKU: I am doing okay. how are you?
DO: I’m doing ok. Lately I have just been having these really strong emotions of romance for a certain somebody and I am unable to sleep at night because of them. Don’t worry though they are very positive emotions and they feel really nice. :)
OKU: Aww well that’s good. Honestly, I have had my eye on a person for quite some time now as well. This guy makes me feel like I can do no wrong. He brings me a lot of comfort and makes me feel safe even though he is not physically here with me.
[Do blushes in front of the computer screen. He began to feel the warmth and emotions within his chest. In reality his hands began to clench around the arm rest of the chair as he smiled through the virtual reality visor.]
OKU: That guy is you Do. :)
DO: It is funny that you should say that Oku because the girl I was referring to just so happens to be you as well. ;)
OKU: :D
DO: You are the deep, blue sky into which every night I deeply gaze. OKU: If I am the deep, blue sky then you are the moon outside my window. DO: If I am the moon then you are the star that I am wishing on. OKU: You are my wish. [Do sheds a few tears of joy as his heart rapidly began beating within his chest setting off the emotion detector cables.]
DR. CROCKER: Anaïs stop the machine NOW!
[Anaïs pushes a small, red circular button allowing the machine to come to a halt.]
[Dr. Crocker removes the visor from Do’s face.]
DR. CROCKER: Anaïs will you bring me some tissues please?
NURSE YUCKI: Yes, Dr. Crocker.
[Anaïs walks over to the yellow table in the corner and grabs some tissues. She then brings them over to Dr. Crocker.]
NURSE YUCKI: Here you are Dr. Crocker.
DR. CROCKER: Well, don’t just stand there. Wipe his face.
[Anaïs begins lightly dabbing at each of Do’s eyes to absorb the moisture of tears from around his them.]
NURSE YUCKI: You feeling ok sweetie?
DO: Yeah, I’m fine. Those were just tears of great joy.
DR. CROCKER: What were you thinking of, Mr. Nino? What memory did you choose?
DO: I chose the memory of the night that my ex-girlfriend told me that she liked me and that I was her wish.
DR. CROCKER: Yes, that seems like a rather sweet memory.
DO: That is why I was crying. I cried the night that it happened too.
DR. CROCKER: You are not to blame. It was a special moment in your life.
DO: She made me feel so good, doc.
DR. CROCKER: Yes, moments like that will do a number on your emotions. Now, if you will follow me we shall begin the next test. Come on, Anaïs!
NURSE YUCKI: Yes, Dr. Crocker.
[Do follows Dr. Crocker and Anaïs. They arrive at the next room.]
DR. CROCKER: Welcome to the blue room, Mr. Nino. This is the room in which we will conduct your sadness test.
DO: So this time I have to think of the saddest memory of my life right?
DR. CROCKER: That is correct, Mr. Nino. If you’ll please walk over here we can begin.
[Do then began and eventually completed his sadness test. Dr. Crocker and Anaïs escorted Do to the gray room for his fear test, the red room for his anger test, and the clear room for his anxiety test.]
NURSE YUCKI: You have been doing an astounding job on all of your tests, Do.
DO: Thank you, Anaïs. I was simply just doing what you and Dr. Crocker instructed me to do.
NURSE YUCKI: Inevitably it has been working quite well. Now it is time for your depression test. Please follow Dr. Crocker and I to the black room.
[Dr. Crocker, Anaïs and Do arrive at the black room and are greeted by Dr. Skitz. Dr. Skitz and Anaïs strap Do within the machine and connect the emotion detector cables to his body. Do then began to focus on the most depressing memory he had ever experienced. Once again Do was visually transferred into this memory. Two minutes into the scenario Do spots a woman within a dark room walk past him. She was wearing a black dress. This woman had skin of a light beige color, hazel eyes and shoulder length dark brown hair. As this woman was walking by she had this evil look in her eyes and she looked at Do with the most sinister glare known to man. Do started breathing very heavily and crying uncontrollably. His lips trembled and his hands were gripping the arm rests very tightly. Do was kicking and screaming very loudly.
DO: PLEASE! TURN IT OFF!!!!
NURSE YUCKI: DR. SKITZ TURN THE DAMN MACHINE OFF RIGHT NOW! CAN’T YOU SEE THE MAN IS IN PAIN?
[Dr. Skitz quickly presses the red button to stop the machine. Do was still breathing heavily nearly to the point of hyperventilation. He was sweating and was still crying. As he got up to his feet he almost fell. Anaïs caught him and hugged him. Do continued to cry heavily over her shoulder and trembling while doing so.]
NURSE YUCKI: It’s okay, sweetie. I’m here for you. I’m here… Everything is going to be okay. Sshh…
[Anaïs then began shedding a few tears herself tightly tucking in her lip as her tears hit the ground.]
NURSE YUCKI: Dr. Skitz please let Dr. Nightmare know that the tests have been completed. I will stay here with Do until he has had a chance to calm his emotions. He is unstable right now.
DR. SKITZ: You got it, Nurse Yucki.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you.
[Nurse Yucki continues sitting in the middle of the floor with Do still leaning over her shoulder.]
NURSE YUCKI: Are you okay sweetie? I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I know it must have been painful.
[Do lifted his head from Anaïs’s shoulder. His eyes were red from crying profusely.]
DO: Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just… I just…
[Anaïs cups both of Do’s cheeks with her hands and looks deeply into his eyes.]
NURSE YUCKI: What is it Do? Talk to me. I’m here for you.
DO: I’ll tell you later. Right now I just want to get as far away from this room as possible.
NURSE YUCKI: There is no fire escape when the threat is in your own head. My favorite author, Jade Day, taught me that.
[A series of bells had started to ring. It was lunch time.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Hello? Mr. Nino?
[Dr. Nightmare whistles and snaps his fingers twice]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Are you ready for the procedure?
DO: It’s not like I have a choice now do I?
DR. NIGHTMARE: You always have a choice Mr. Nino. Your very future lies within the consciousness of every decision you may or may not make. With that being said which choice do you think will effectively see that you are better off?
DO: Well neither you or I can predict the future so we might as well continue playing and see what happens.
[Dr. Nightmare chuckles]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Not bad for a young man such as yourself, Mr Nino.
DO: I try. Let us carry on with the procedure now shall we sir?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, yes right. Please fill out these papers to ensure that we have your full consent to conduct any and/or all events of this procedure.
DO: How can I possibly fill out these papers if I am still restrained by this straight jacket?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, how foolish of me to have forgotten.
[Dr. Nightmare then begins unbuckling Do’s straight jacket. He then removes the jacket and passes Do a check pad and a pen with multiple documents. Do then begins to sign them. Dr. Nightmare closely reviews the papers as Do is signing them]
DO: Okay, I’m done.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Great now if you’ll just initial here, here and here we will be ready to go.
[Do finishes initialing his papers and passes them back to Dr. Nightmare.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Thank you Mr. Nino. I’ll give you a couple of minutes to relax while I run and grab my list of questions. You may talk to AnaÏs while she performs a brief blood test on you.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Dr. Nightmare.
[AnaÏs blushes with a slight smile as she twists both of her knees inward. She then walks over to sit in the chair directly across from Do. She pulls out her first aid kit and opens it. She takes out a lancet, some sanitary wipes and some gauze.]
NURSE YUCKI: Hello, Mr. Nino. How are you doing today?
[Anaïs opens a pack of sanitary wipes and begins wiping Do’s right ring finger. She then pricks his finger with the lancet drawing forth small droplets of blood. Do slightly winces in pain. Anaïs then places a small test tube to the test site in which his finger was pricked in order to draw blood.]
DO: Please just call me Do. I’m doing alright I suppose. How about yourself?
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. I am doing okay though I am quite tired. I have been here since five this morning and it is now a quarter to one.
DO: I can understand how that may be hard on you. Not everyone is a morning person.
NURSE YUCKI: Yeah, you’re right. The pay is great here though so I suppose it is worth dealing with.
DO: Yeah but is that ever really enough? Is that truly all that you want?
NURSE YUCKI: No, of course not. I have dreams just like everybody else. This job exists as just an in the moment thing for me. It is a means to get me by or as most people say “a leg up” in the industry.
DO: Those times are always the most trying.
NURSE YUCKI: You can say that again.
[Anaïs eventually finishes drawing blood from Do’s finger and places a couple of pieces of gauze to it and wrapped a band-aid around it. She then pours the blood sample into a slightly bigger and wider test tube and then places a top over it placing it along with the lancet back into her first aid kit.]
DO: Those times are always the most trying.
[Anaïs laughs. Do slightly smiles in return.]
NURSE YUCKI: I didn’t mean literally silly ha ha.
DO: Hey a little humor never hurt anyone ha ha.
NURSE YUCKI: If that were the case this place would cease to be a business.
[Anaïs and Do both laughed.]
NURSE YUCKI: I don’t mean to be a creep but I think you have really pretty eyes.
[Do was an African-American man with short, curly black hair. He also had dark brown eyes with his skin being the shade of chocolate chip cookie brown. He had a goatee as well.]
DO: Thank you, Anaïs. You’re honestly a lot funnier than I thought plus you are very beautiful.
[Anaïs was a white British woman with long, jet black hair and winter blue eyes. She had fairly tan skin along with a nice figure. She also wore black lipstick and had various tattoos.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. So do you ha—
[The door to Do’s padded cell abruptly opens.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Okay, I’m back. Thank you for keeping my patient company Anaïs.
NURSE YUCKI: Oh, you’re welcome, Archie.
[Anaïs stomped very loudly as she walked away.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: I told that bitch I don’t like when people call me Archie in public.
DO: Well, that is your birth name is it not? Besides Anaïs is a really nice woman.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That’s like saying a vagina is a teething ring.
DO: So are you saying you have been sexless for six months or are you asexual?
DR. NIGHTMARE: Hey, who is the doctor here?
DO: I’m just saying. You may be inserting your tongue incorrectly.
[Dr. Nightmare ignores Do’s comments blushing out of embarrassment.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, if you are done fooling around we can begin.
DO: Let’s do it.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Okay, Mr Nino. Your first name is Do, correct?
DO: Yes, sir.
DR. NIGHTMARE: We already know your last name so on to the next question. What is your date of birth?
DO: August 2, 1990
DR. NIGHTMARE: Ah, so you’re twenty-three years old eh?? I thought you were like sixteen.
DO: Ha ha nope but I get that a lot so it’s nothing I’m not used to.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where are you from?
DO: Springfield, Illinois
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where were you currently living before you came here?
DO: Cordova, Tennessee
DR. NIGHTMARE: Did you like it there?
DO: No, not really. I actually hate it there and am desperate to get away from there and move to a bigger city.
DR NIGHTMARE: Oh? What for may I ask?
DO: To take advantage of more career opportunities to achieve my dreams.
DR. NIGHTMARE: I really like where your head is at kid. Who were you currently living with before you came here?
DO: My mother along with three of my siblings, niece and nephew.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you get along with them at all?
DO: When I want to but even then it is just a feigned interest.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Where were you working before you came to this institution?
DO: I was working as a dishwasher and prep cook at my local pancake joint and bakery. The name of the restaurant is Love 'N’ Lust.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That title sounds intriguing. What kind of food do they make there? Do they pay you well for your services?
DO: We make all kinds of foods in the shape and/or imagery of sexually provocative thought patterns. Basically we make cakes in the shapes of genitals, breasts, ass, etc… We do this for breakfast, lunch and dinner around the clock. They pay me $7.25 an hour.
DR. NIGHTMARE: I got to take my girlfriend some time soon. You get paid more to do that here. I believe the maximum is $15 an hour in translation from Euro dollars to American dollars.
DO: You won’t regret it sir. There are actually some of restaurants located throughout France.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Thank you, Mr. Nino. I’ll keep that in mind.
DO: You’re welcome, sir.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you have any passions, Mr. Nino?
DO: Yes, I do. As a matter of fact I have two passions. They are poetry and disc jockeying.
DR. NIGHTMARE: How long have you been writing poetry and disc jockeying?
DO: I have been writing poetry since November of 2008. I am only just beginning within the disc jockeying field.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What were you like in school, Mr. Nino?
DO: I’ve been to many schools doctor. I require that you be more specific
DR. NIGHTMARE: What was life like for you in high school?
DO: Well, I never actively made the effort to socialize with anyone outside of school simply because I was disinterested. When people would take part in extracurricular activities I would just ignore them and go home. I never even went to my own prom.
DR. NIGHTMARE: And why didn’t you go to your prom?
DO: Because I never had a date nor did I have the courage to ask one of the girls out
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, I would tell you that I understand but I have no idea what that is like. In my day I was a jock. Everybody knew me. All the girls wanted to talk to me.
DO: Yeah, you’re not helping.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Nino
DO: It’s alright, doctor.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Moving on, what was your life like as you were growing up?
DO: There was lots of domestic violence and unwanted sheriff visits because my mother would always feel the urge to call the police every time I voiced an opinion that she did not agree with. I have even been in physical fights with her, my father, brother, sister and grandmother. I even splashed orange juice in my grandmother's face one time because she was pissing me the fuck off. There was the occasional use and profiting of the most popular drug at the time by a parent because my father smoked and sold drugs. He hung out with the wrong people a lot of the times mostly people who desired to buy drugs from him. Day in and day out deep down I feel that there are still some grudges floating around. My family won’t let me move past them nor will they let me forget about them. They always like to bring them up every chance that they get. I was also expelled from middle school at the age of fourteen for tossing my gym shorts at the assistant principal when she told me to shut up while I was talking. I felt disrespected and it pissed me off. I didn’t know what else to do. I also took antidepressants at the age of sixteen for crying out loud and when I was twenty I was mugged only just one week shy of my twenty-first birthday. It was a late night and I was walking home.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Sounds like you have had a rather rough life
DO: Yeah, well my life is not as bad compared to others.
DR. NIGHTMARE: That doesn’t matter Mr. Nino. It still counts. What was the name of the antidepressant medication that you were taking for you depression?
DO: I honestly don’t remember. That was so long ago. I’m twenty-three now. I’ll be twenty-four in the summer so that was nearly eight years ago. I do remember my mother making me take medications such as Stratera and Adderall for Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What is your relationship with your family like now?
DO: I only talk to them when I want or need something like most people, but other than that I steer clear of them to avoid confrontation and drama. Drama never falls short in the Nino family.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Why do you think that is, Mr. Nino?
DO: Well, it’s just that when me and my immediate family members are in the same room together I can feel a significant amount of tension, hatred and anger coursing throughout the room. It makes me feel very uncomfortable so I just leave.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What do you fear the most, Mr. Nino?
DO: Abandonment and death
DR. NIGHTMARE: All of which are very powerful and reasonable things to be in fear of. What is your attitude toward the opposite sex? What was it in childhood and later years?
DO: I always took notice of the hot girls and the unbearably sexy girls. I just never made the effort to talk to them because most of them ignored me or were stuck up and thought they were higher and mightier than me. In later and considerably more recent years my patience for the opposite sex has lessened greatly with each passing day. It has gotten to the point where I hate romantic relationships leading me to believe that they are a complete waste of time. Marriages are pointless as well. I would operate just fine in a No Strings Attached, Friends With Benefits or a One Night Stand type of deal. At least with those types of relationships an emotional connection is not at all required. I like pussy. End of story. I get enough emotional connection through bowel movements.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Are you ambitious, sensitive, inclined to outbursts of temper, domineering, shy, or impatient?
DO: Yes, sir. I am very ambitious. I’m a poet so there is no doubt that I am sensitive. Yes, I do tend to have short, mild outbursts concerning my temper. I get mad when people cut me off or talk over me when I am speaking. I hate when people ignore me and I hate when I try to join a conversation and everyone acts like I am not there. It’s like can’t they see that I am trying to be apart of the conversation. I mean even when I try to socialize and make friends they fail to realize it. It is all alright though. I have learned not to give a fuck anymore. Honestly, it is the best way to avoid any drama in life.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What sort of people did you physically allow yourself to be around you prior to arriving at this institution? Were they impatient, bad-tempered, or affectionate?
DO: Affection was far from the equation, doctor. I was around a lot of impatient and bad-tempered people. When I speak of these people I speak mainly about my family, but also some of my co-workers as well. They drove me incredibly insane. I would often go home depressed and dreading the next work day.
DR. NIGHTMARE: How do you sleep?
DO: Most of the time I find it difficult to sleep. I frequently watch Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response or (ASMR) videos to aid in me that and so far it has worked exceedingly well.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What dreams do you have?
DO: I rarely have any happy dreams I’ll tell you that. Most of the dreams I have are of running down dark hallways, chasing shadows, jumping off of cliffs and being unexpectedly attacked by random strangers whether it be physically or verbally. I also tend to have a lot of dreams where I am screaming my head off at the people surrounding me in the dream. I even go so far as to push their heads back a little with the palm of my hand. I was really mad in those dreams. I have a lot of mildly terrifying as well as psychotically depressing dreams. I also tend to have dreams about abandonment.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What illnesses are there in your family background?
DO: Well both of my grandmas are diabetic however one of them has been deceased for six and a half years now. She was English plus she had struggled with breast cancer for years. One of my sisters has been diagnosed as bipolar. I believe I may be bipolar, but just undiagnosed. I am allergic to penicillin. Both of my little brothers have asthma. One of my brothers is allergic to peanut butter.That’s about it. My father has problems with digesting solid foods. I don’t really know all that much about the history of my family’s mental health. There was one time when my mom called the cops on me when I was sixteen. The cop although unlicensed said that he thinks I may be schizophrenic. I didn’t believe a word that he said back then, but eight years later I am now starting to realize the justness of what he said and even starting to believe it.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Have you ever had sex, Mr. Nino?
DO: No, sir. I have not. I do think about it very often though.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Do you watch any porn at all?
DO: Every night.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What kind of porn do you like to watch? Do you have any fetishes?
DO: I like to watch female bodybuilders workout in the nude, I also like to watch regular girls fool around in the nude as do most men. I also enjoy watching lesbian porn as well. My fetishes are women with muscle. I’m talking large muscle mass from the neck down. It just gets me so hot. Another fetish of mine and don’t tell anyone this, but I like to watch women take dumps in the toilet. I don’t however like actually seeing the feces. I only like to see them sitting on the toilet while doing it and hearing the sounds. I do not like seeing what is going on underneath. Other fetishes of mine include women with tattoos, tall women, and also slightly psychotic women though intelligent women.
DR. NIGHTMARE: What are you hoping to get out of these sessions and procedures?
DO: I just seek to be happy again. That is all I ask. That is all I want.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well this concludes our interview, Mr. Nino. I will run to the lab and decipher your blood sample as well as your answers. In the meantime I will turn you over to Dr. Skitz and Dr. Crocker.
DO: Who is Dr. Skitz and Dr. Crocker?
DR. NIGHTMARE: They will be conducting your four dimensional emotion detector tests this afternoon.
DO: What is a four dimensional emotion detector test?
DR. NIGHTMARE: A four dimensional emotion detector test is specifically designed to manipulate your emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, and depression. There is a separate room for each test complete with a machine. Each of the rooms have a different color to match the level of intensity of said emotion. What happens is that we put a visor over your eyes and connect you to the machine. Inside of the visor a scenario involving each emotion is created to bring out an emotional response. This response simulates how a patient normally would react to such situations in real life and helps us to effectively evaluate a patient’s emotional health. The only thing is the scenarios are created based on thought processing. Emotions are often generated through thought processing. You have to think of a memory in order for a scenario to be created. Dr. Crocker has been assigned to conduct your happiness, sadness and fear tests. Dr Skitz has been assigned to conduct your anger, anxiety and depression tests. If you are ready Mr. Nino then please follow me to the yellow room.
[Do follows Dr. Nightmare to the yellow room. They arrive and are greeted by Dr. Crocker.]
DR. CROCKER: Hello, Dr. Nightmare. I see you have brought me a new test subject.
DR. NIGHTMARE: Something like that.
[Both Dr. Nightmare and Dr. Crocker chuckled.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Dr. Crocker I’d like you to meet Do Nino. Mr. Nino meet Dr. Crocker.
DR. CROCKER: Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nino. Welcome to the yellow room.
[Dr. Crocker extends his hand to Do. Do proceeds to shake his hand.]
DR. NIGHTMARE: Well, I guess I will leave you guys to it then.
[Anaïs enters the room.]
DR. CROCKER: Well, hey there Anaïs. I take it you have already met Do then?
NURSE YUCKI: Indeed I have. I performed a blood test on him earlier. Hello again, Do.
DO: Hello, Anaïs. It is nice to see you again.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you, Do. It is nice to see you again as well. I will be assisting both Dr. Crocker and Dr. Skitz in carrying out the procedures of your tests.
DO: Sounds like a plan.
NURSE YUCKI: Doesn’t it?
[Do and Nino both smile each other.]
DR. CROCKER: So tell me Mr. Nino have you ever taken a four dimensional emotion detector test before?
DO: Up until Dr. Nightmare introduced me to the term I had no idea what that was, but based on what I do know it does sound interesting I’ll give you that.
DR. CROCKER: Let’s get started then shall we? Each test will have an approximate length of five minutes. Everyone reacts differently to these tests so there is a chance that you may have bouts of emotional disturbances. We call this machine the Eº. If you will please step over here we will get you strapped and ready to go. Anaïs please come over here and help me get him strapped in.
[The machine was solid yellow and was shaped like a giant marble with the front of it consisting of an open cavity with everything from top to bottom covered in yellow including the seat. Attached to it was a visor. Do walks over to the machine and Dr. Crocker begins strapping Do in and attaching the emotion detector cables to his body.]
DR. CROCKER: Okay, Mr Nino you are all set. The only thing you need to do now is think of a happy memory. I am sure Dr. Nightmare has already informed you of this.
DO: Yes, sir.
DR. CROCKER: Please put on this visor and we shall begin your happiness test. Remember to think of the happiest memory you have experienced.
DO: I’ll try my best, doctor. I can’t make any promises.
DR. CROCKER: And that is all I ask of you.
[Do begins to drift into deep focus and memory concentration. It is not long before Do is able to think of a decent memory to get the process going. Do is then visually transferred into a scenario that involves the memory as well as the emotion that he is thinking of.]
[Do opens his eyes and takes a deep breath and finds himself laying on his stomach across a living room floor. He was on a laptop chatting with a good female friend of his via instant messaging.]
DO: Hello, Oku how are you?
OKU: I am doing okay. how are you?
DO: I’m doing ok. Lately I have just been having these really strong emotions of romance for a certain somebody and I am unable to sleep at night because of them. Don’t worry though they are very positive emotions and they feel really nice. :)
OKU: Aww well that’s good. Honestly, I have had my eye on a person for quite some time now as well. This guy makes me feel like I can do no wrong. He brings me a lot of comfort and makes me feel safe even though he is not physically here with me.
[Do blushes in front of the computer screen. He began to feel the warmth and emotions within his chest. In reality his hands began to clench around the arm rest of the chair as he smiled through the virtual reality visor.]
OKU: That guy is you Do. :)
DO: It is funny that you should say that Oku because the girl I was referring to just so happens to be you as well. ;)
OKU: :D
DO: You are the deep, blue sky into which every night I deeply gaze. OKU: If I am the deep, blue sky then you are the moon outside my window. DO: If I am the moon then you are the star that I am wishing on. OKU: You are my wish. [Do sheds a few tears of joy as his heart rapidly began beating within his chest setting off the emotion detector cables.]
DR. CROCKER: Anaïs stop the machine NOW!
[Anaïs pushes a small, red circular button allowing the machine to come to a halt.]
[Dr. Crocker removes the visor from Do’s face.]
DR. CROCKER: Anaïs will you bring me some tissues please?
NURSE YUCKI: Yes, Dr. Crocker.
[Anaïs walks over to the yellow table in the corner and grabs some tissues. She then brings them over to Dr. Crocker.]
NURSE YUCKI: Here you are Dr. Crocker.
DR. CROCKER: Well, don’t just stand there. Wipe his face.
[Anaïs begins lightly dabbing at each of Do’s eyes to absorb the moisture of tears from around his them.]
NURSE YUCKI: You feeling ok sweetie?
DO: Yeah, I’m fine. Those were just tears of great joy.
DR. CROCKER: What were you thinking of, Mr. Nino? What memory did you choose?
DO: I chose the memory of the night that my ex-girlfriend told me that she liked me and that I was her wish.
DR. CROCKER: Yes, that seems like a rather sweet memory.
DO: That is why I was crying. I cried the night that it happened too.
DR. CROCKER: You are not to blame. It was a special moment in your life.
DO: She made me feel so good, doc.
DR. CROCKER: Yes, moments like that will do a number on your emotions. Now, if you will follow me we shall begin the next test. Come on, Anaïs!
NURSE YUCKI: Yes, Dr. Crocker.
[Do follows Dr. Crocker and Anaïs. They arrive at the next room.]
DR. CROCKER: Welcome to the blue room, Mr. Nino. This is the room in which we will conduct your sadness test.
DO: So this time I have to think of the saddest memory of my life right?
DR. CROCKER: That is correct, Mr. Nino. If you’ll please walk over here we can begin.
[Do then began and eventually completed his sadness test. Dr. Crocker and Anaïs escorted Do to the gray room for his fear test, the red room for his anger test, and the clear room for his anxiety test.]
NURSE YUCKI: You have been doing an astounding job on all of your tests, Do.
DO: Thank you, Anaïs. I was simply just doing what you and Dr. Crocker instructed me to do.
NURSE YUCKI: Inevitably it has been working quite well. Now it is time for your depression test. Please follow Dr. Crocker and I to the black room.
[Dr. Crocker, Anaïs and Do arrive at the black room and are greeted by Dr. Skitz. Dr. Skitz and Anaïs strap Do within the machine and connect the emotion detector cables to his body. Do then began to focus on the most depressing memory he had ever experienced. Once again Do was visually transferred into this memory. Two minutes into the scenario Do spots a woman within a dark room walk past him. She was wearing a black dress. This woman had skin of a light beige color, hazel eyes and shoulder length dark brown hair. As this woman was walking by she had this evil look in her eyes and she looked at Do with the most sinister glare known to man. Do started breathing very heavily and crying uncontrollably. His lips trembled and his hands were gripping the arm rests very tightly. Do was kicking and screaming very loudly.
DO: PLEASE! TURN IT OFF!!!!
NURSE YUCKI: DR. SKITZ TURN THE DAMN MACHINE OFF RIGHT NOW! CAN’T YOU SEE THE MAN IS IN PAIN?
[Dr. Skitz quickly presses the red button to stop the machine. Do was still breathing heavily nearly to the point of hyperventilation. He was sweating and was still crying. As he got up to his feet he almost fell. Anaïs caught him and hugged him. Do continued to cry heavily over her shoulder and trembling while doing so.]
NURSE YUCKI: It’s okay, sweetie. I’m here for you. I’m here… Everything is going to be okay. Sshh…
[Anaïs then began shedding a few tears herself tightly tucking in her lip as her tears hit the ground.]
NURSE YUCKI: Dr. Skitz please let Dr. Nightmare know that the tests have been completed. I will stay here with Do until he has had a chance to calm his emotions. He is unstable right now.
DR. SKITZ: You got it, Nurse Yucki.
NURSE YUCKI: Thank you.
[Nurse Yucki continues sitting in the middle of the floor with Do still leaning over her shoulder.]
NURSE YUCKI: Are you okay sweetie? I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I know it must have been painful.
[Do lifted his head from Anaïs’s shoulder. His eyes were red from crying profusely.]
DO: Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just… I just…
[Anaïs cups both of Do’s cheeks with her hands and looks deeply into his eyes.]
NURSE YUCKI: What is it Do? Talk to me. I’m here for you.
DO: I’ll tell you later. Right now I just want to get as far away from this room as possible.
NURSE YUCKI: There is no fire escape when the threat is in your own head. My favorite author, Jade Day, taught me that.
[A series of bells had started to ring. It was lunch time.]
Published 23rd Apr 2014
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