deepundergroundpoetry.com
In lieu of sensibilities
The words won't reach
they stall, they stutter
they're not mine anyway
they're yours
they're yours
fire light songs
slow our dance in my mind
and the voice that stays
is yours
just yours
Trip-hop thoughts fall
over all the ways
you make me weak -
I'm always yours
I'm yours
I'm yours
they stall, they stutter
they're not mine anyway
they're yours
they're yours
fire light songs
slow our dance in my mind
and the voice that stays
is yours
just yours
Trip-hop thoughts fall
over all the ways
you make me weak -
I'm always yours
I'm yours
I'm yours
Published 15th Mar 2011
| Edited 31st May 2011
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likes 3
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comments 4
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The author encourages honest critique.
15th Mar 2011 6:16pm
I like the action words in this piece (stutter, dance, trip-hop etc), and the repetition gives it a lyrical feel.
15th Mar 2011 7:11pm
Thank you, Mike. It felt a bit sing-songy to me, too. Appreciate the comment. :)
15th Mar 2011 7:18pm
Agreed with Mike, the repetition is so easy and flows beautifully. 'Trip-hop thoughts fall' inventive joining, I like it.
15th Mar 2011 7:43pm
