deepundergroundpoetry.com
Tears
Never to see one to care for me when i close my eyes there is softened cries to have a ball i lost it all to die in pain a life in vain
Published 15th Apr 2014
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26th Apr 2014 6:38am
great way of putting this together--each little bit like another tear, yes?--and the slanting form sort of like rain drops streaking a window pane. it's interesting in the line "to die in pain a life in vain", how it seems a little sped up, with its eight syllables in the same sort of space each of the two lines above it occupies with four or five syllables. i'd like to suggest that maybe that bottom line could be slowed a little, if not with a comma, then maybe with just a little extra space in the middle of it. and in "there is softened cries"--well, as "cries" is plural, the "is" could be "are".
