Window

 
I have never made love to a woman before  

             Not knowing what it was   

It has always been a ritual to satisfy the pleasures of my perversion          

            That was all i knew   

I was the child with dark circles under his eyes  
Obvious depressions of an ominous life   

Being taught how to walk so I could rise to meet a fist  
Dignity extracted before I could learn it's definition   

Conditioning of a coward   

Maladjusted little thing   

Ghost that is my fear always haunting   

You may have found me drawing pictures  
Desperate for refuge  
Attempts to harness imagination  
To manifest a gateway I could crawl into   

I will not touch upon the most morbid of hidden scars  
Saving that onion to peel at another time   

I survived   

Decades have passed  

I fall along wearing a wispy shell that could not be mistaken for wholesome   

One harvest dream  
I felt the serene caress of a natural mystic  
Whose gift imparts a window to the truest self  
Methods of sorcery are in her beauty which is like no others   

I received a sense of the person I could have been  
Not even in a perfect world  
Just a decent one    

In the sway of her spell  
I fell severely in love  
In a torrent of hopelessly lost control  
My mind failed to convey to my heart the damage of my soul   

This is not supposed to happen to a shadow like me   

She gave me a once in a lifetime blessing  
While i burden her with clandestine devotion  
Im such a waste  
People are lurid,  

     you give them something and they will try to take more and more   

She did the only thing that was to be done  
Murder me from the warmth of her life  
The truth must be  
I am a creature beyond healing   

Time drives it's wedge ever deeper  
Cerise passion gives way to maddening malaise  
There is no home in my arms for anyone  
I would prefer to just be left to my bleeding