haunted

I was a little girl
though I was eighteen
I was stupid
innocent
with such low self esteem

So when you said you wanted me
I believed the lies,
And basked in feeling beautiful
the object of desire

And then somewhere
between the flirting,
and ah! I was a tease
it got a little violent
though the abuse I didn't see

I can remember
swatting at your hands
you saying that I wanted it
after all you were a man
you could tell right?

I can remember
our violent "Playfights"
how I wanted you to want me
how I wanted to run and hide

I don't know if you'll understand
all the things I blame you for
after all I didn't say no
until I didn't want to anymore

and then I packed my bags
without a word and moved away
so many bridges that I've burned
that I cannot remake

For almost a year
I couldn't stand the smell
of your cheap deodorant
but now I'm doing well

I've grown up and realized
that it wasn't all my fault

now I just have to let go of anger
I don't have a right to keep
and, stop letting you
continue to haunt me