If Only I Could Turn Back Time

Trying to scream or hit,
knowing I can't because he's stronger than me.
But still I struggle,
crying inside and out,
because he's taking something away from me,
something precious,
special that only can be taken once!
Deciding whether or not to tell anyone,
because I feel as if it's all your fault.
Asking myself,
"Did I give him all the wrong impressions?"
You know if somebody finds out about it,
you'll feel embarrassed and ashamed
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep,
because all I can see is his face.
I feel weighed down,
because his heavy body is on top of me.
In the end, I try to to forget about it all.
But then, I remember that I'm all by myself,
and no one can help me,
but myself.
I think to myself,
"Is he doing this to anyone else?
Is someone going through the same pain,
and suffering that I am?"
Then I blame myself again,
because I could have done something about it.
I know I have to face this pain,
because no one else can do it for me,
and I know I'll carry this memory with me forever.
Thinking, 'If only I could turn back time.'
That's all I can do, think, wish,
and dream about jumping in a time machine,
and just go back.
When things were better.
If only,
if only.
But screaming doesn't get you anywhere,
I'll just get smacked or beat.
It's just best to let him do whatever,
and get it over with..
But I find myself screaming and struggling anyways.
The minutes seeming like hours,
feeling his body crushing my,
small, naked body,
using me for his sick pleasures.
It's hard to hold back tears and sobs,
especially when the pain gets worse,
and worse.
Every thrust he does into me.
I'm afraid to close my eyes to sleep,
I'll see smiling and chuckling,
at what he accomplished.
I was living in a nightmare I couldn't escape from.