deepundergroundpoetry.com
Three Words
I. Changed inside, the day you got
Lost. I now understand what it means to be
On my own. Life has become a grey
Vacuum. Empty, and devoid of all
Emotion. The world has turned
You shaped. My every action, an
Ordeal. As everything reminds me of
Us. Without which, I am nothing.
Lost. I now understand what it means to be
On my own. Life has become a grey
Vacuum. Empty, and devoid of all
Emotion. The world has turned
You shaped. My every action, an
Ordeal. As everything reminds me of
Us. Without which, I am nothing.
Published 21st Mar 2014
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comments 5
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21st Mar 2014 2:14am
3 amazing words said by the rite person can make your whole world worth while
21st Mar 2014 5:01am
21st Mar 2014 7:25am
21st Mar 2014 2:38pm
Acrostic poetry isn't generally emphasised
So strongly, most of the time
Sometimes people won't even make an obvious link
However the title kind
Of betrays your intent anyway, i'd have
Liked to see the poem take a darker general
Eloquence and have the undertones of love.
Concerning the content, you
Really hit the nail on the head with that
Interesting line about the grey vacuum
To be honest
I really enjoyed this piece and
Cherish the thought of reading more from you.
Ok, with that out of the way - kill the punctuation. It ruined the flow. Fullstops don't have a place in the middle of a running thought or continuing metaphor and ESPECIALLY not in the middle of a line. Also don't use spaces between the beginning letter and the body - just avoid capitals and the reader will pick up on your intent. The whole "Write a word and turn it into a poem" trick is from grade school, with grown up content comes grown up format :P
So strongly, most of the time
Sometimes people won't even make an obvious link
However the title kind
Of betrays your intent anyway, i'd have
Liked to see the poem take a darker general
Eloquence and have the undertones of love.
Concerning the content, you
Really hit the nail on the head with that
Interesting line about the grey vacuum
To be honest
I really enjoyed this piece and
Cherish the thought of reading more from you.
Ok, with that out of the way - kill the punctuation. It ruined the flow. Fullstops don't have a place in the middle of a running thought or continuing metaphor and ESPECIALLY not in the middle of a line. Also don't use spaces between the beginning letter and the body - just avoid capitals and the reader will pick up on your intent. The whole "Write a word and turn it into a poem" trick is from grade school, with grown up content comes grown up format :P
22nd Mar 2014 00:34am
