Given Chances

There's no turning back.

Can I imagine a life in which this never happens? I can.

Would I have taken that path? Probably not.

I can't seem to organize my ideas in a way that it all makes sense, but I suppose it's OK as long as I am still alive.

"Why did you decide to take the trip?"

Honestly? To get fucked up in an attempt to forget that she had shattered any hopes and memories of happiness that my heart had ever felt.

"I was homesick."

"Does your family own a cannabis farm and liquor shop?"

No. But some used to be alcoholics, my sisters were bartenders, and one of them smokes weed.

"No." My head is killing me and all I want to do is brush my teeth.

"Did your family even know you were in town?"

"Yes." This lady had to stop talking.

"But they weren't aware of what you were doing." She had stopped asking questions.

"Affirmative."

"Are you mocking me?" She was irritated too. That makes two of us.

"No."

"Were you even planning on coming back alive?"

"Are you insinuating I tried to kill myself?" How could you kill something that was no longer alive?

"With the amount of alcohol in your system and the scars under your bracelets I think it's a valid assumption."

"Are you going to turn me in or not?"

The officer sighed, stood up and left me in her office for a couple of minutes that seemed like an eternity and came back with what looked like my file.

"I don't think you are a danger to others but to yourself. So I won't turn this to the police if you sign this papers." She handed the folder to me.

"Rehab? This is a joke right?" Oh goodie, for the looks of it she thinks that sending me to a place with true addicts will help me.

"It's better than getting your future cut down because of this lifestyle, don't you think?"

"I'm not an addict." Why was I trying to explain myself?

"Then you should pass the program with flying colors and a clean record." I didn't like the look in her eyes. She stank like pity.

Overprotective motherly pity.

"What's your win in this?"

"Less paperwork."

"If I sign, I can always run away and do it again. Are you aware of this?" Her eyes showed a tiny spark of hurt, as if I just stabbed her with her own badge.

"I know you're not that stupid Vanessa, you just made a bad choice. All I'm doing is giving you another chance to start over."

Was there a point for me to fight against this? She knew I would sign it, because she was right. I didn't regret what I did; but if there was a possibility of getting away with it I would do it. And that's what this is. Me getting away with it.