Emerge

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I can’t change what I’ve done in the past,
How I’ve built weak walls and let them crash,
The face of insecurity I once displayed,
Melts with reality as a man is portrayed.

Now in clarity I comprehend my self damage,
I see that through pain I’ve gained an advantage,
I’ve been face to face with death like most will never see,
The trials I’ve survived empower and strengthen me.

I’ve looked through the eyes of men and seen evil demons,
Flipped the iris to a mirror so it’s something to believe in,
I realize I’ve been places no man ever need endure,
And suffer a disease which can be paused but has no cure.

Many have shown me love while I turned them to opponents,
Making my whole universe a drug infested dark enclosement,
And when the heroin handcuffs would tighten around my wrists,
I’d walk through forests of fire to have another fix.

I’ve tortured myself above and beyond humility,
And wished my own mother had been born with infertility,
But the spirit inside of me knows self­defeat must finally end,
I’m trying to be a man, be humble and make amends.

I know the road to recovery is like scaling the tallest mountain,
But like the ‘Little Engine Who Could’ it will halt my self­-doubting,
I know my final destiny hasn’t come knocking for a reason,
And my purpose on this earth isn’t only people-­pleasing.

My reflection displays a boy who has felt too much,
And emotion overload has detached his inner touch,
But if I lose sight of the past then I’m doomed to repeat,
And my body just can’t stand being a metaphoric slab of meat.

Through my tribulations I’ve been degraded and abused,
Inflicted self-­torture and let myself be used,
Now when I look back I see how I’d lost control,
Fell victim to my voids and entered a black hole.

I spiraled lost with no direction, no purpose, aimless,
Dismissed all society with acts considered heinous,
And though shame and guilt ice the cake of my heart,
I can finally say I deserve a fresh start.

There can be no more lonely, cold, and sick nights,
Because small wonders of life bring many delights,
A bright aura has replaced my cloud of damnation,
The void I once had is now bubbling inspiration.

I’ve always heard poems about fluffy clouds and blue skies,
Not to demean them, I just keep it real with my demise,
I’m not even a poet, just a survivor with war stories,
Fighting day by day to regain happiness and glory.

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