Could Have Done More

Nobody listens and nobody cares.
I'm all alone and nobody is there.
I try to scream, but it comes out choked.
I try to speak, but it comes out provoked.

I cry and I whine.
It's just not the time.
I blame myself, so I get angry.
He's the one I failed at saving.

I should have stayed ans woke him up.
I should have acted more grown up.
I miss him more and more each day.
In my own little world is where I stay.

We always went long periods without talking.
That's why it's so easy to continue dreaming.
I keep pretending that he's still here.
I keep pretending he's somewhere near.

I make myself believe he'll call one day.
Why do broken hearts feel this way?
My heart is pounding out of my chest.
He's the only one I'd have and he left.

He left me alone with what he wanted most.
He left me all alone just to be a ghost.
I keep thinking he'll be there with me.
I don't want to feel him, I want to see.

I want to hear his voice and his laugh.
I miss those multiple voices that he had.
I can't keep pretending, but it hurts.
He's going to miss the birth of his first.

His first grandchild he would know.
He'd know for sure deep down below.
He always wanted me to get pregnant.
I just wish he'd be here to enjoy it.

He'd be so happy, this I know.
This isn't how life should go.
He should be here still.
This is all just too unreal.

I want my dad back more than ever.
His joking ways that weren't so clever.
Im just going to go back in my mind.
Him leaving is something I'll just hide.

He's not gone, I don't care what's said.
My heart is bruised, it's no longer red.
I wish he'd come back one more time.
Me heart is torn, I can't write another line.

This is to my dad... He passed away January 7th, 2014. My aunts birthday. I really miss him and I haven't shared a poem that I've written about him yet because... I don't really know why... I just couldn't... I have more, but I liked this one the best. I'm nervous about sharing this... so yeah... I hope y'all like it.