The surprise

Oh My! Oh Shit!
I tried to fart and pooped a bit.

I thought that it was only gas
Until I felt that aweful splash
 
It wouldn't really cause me care
If I were only wearing underwear
 
I'd simply throw them in the trash
and find a place to wipe my ass
 
But that's not the circumstance
and now I've got to change my pants
 
In that fleeting moment all my plans were wrenched
How can I ignore this vile stench

So forgive me now as I must dash
And attend to matters of my ass