The Evil Drink

Seductive demons I know them well..well written and expressed..I feel you..peace Crimsin :)

So like, you're an alchoholic?

Hey,

I used to be..
I had a few addictions.
Every now and again I get a calling. I try and control it or ignore it.. but its constantly calling :o(

okay! starting with the good points! i like the idea and i can relate to the feeling, (have written about it actually). i like the uses of "thumping", "tap" and "tick", it helps keep me interested. also the repetition of "calling" and "down". now...

"Hoping It Will Go Away..
Hoping It Will See,
I’m Trying To Be Strong,
But It Eats Away At Me.." - I appreciate that you're trying to stay with the rhyme here, but it's candy rhyme: too sweet, too easy. something you'll hear a lot on this site is, don't sacrifice meaning for the rhyme. "hoping it will see" just doesn't make sense, but if you took it out all together the stanza would be better for it, see?

That Were Standing So Well.. - i think there's a tense issue here...it feels to me that it should be "that have been" instead of "were"

My Barriers Now Falling, - i don't think you need all the "now"s, because the "ing"s at the ends of the words are your indications of present tense. (personal preference: you could replace "now" with "are" because that will make a sentence with the last half of the stanza)

My Guard Now Down, - your "now" works here

The Evening Has Come, - a bit cliché, but it'll work, unless you want to just use "Evening" as the line...which i would do if i were you.

And I’ve Done So Well, - this line is cliché, i'm sure you can come up with another way to say it.. i believe in you. [:

But As Well As I’ve Done, - "but as strong as i've been?", "but as the voice takes me?" i just think there are more ways to say you've been worn with holding your own.

overall, i think if you fix it up and make it smooth in those bits, it'll be something to be proud of, especially for just starting out. there are some really nice moments! [:

WOWZERS WOMAN, lol
I asked for that didnt I , lol

First off totaly agree with the "Rhymes" as I've just emailed you, I'm trying to lose it or not sacrafice for it..

The rest I need to read through a few more times as I have trouble taking things in ..

But thanks loads for your help :o)

haha, sorry! if you give me a project i may or may not tend to get carried away! :D