Doubts in the Field

A memory I’d like to erase
That smile she put on my face
I could not seem to get one back
A failed magician’s mirror act
Our eyes met as she stood behind the counter
Now it was Beauty vs. The Doubter
I’d planned out tactics the night before
A pep talk arsenal was my gear for war
But her beauty tore right through my vest
Defenseless now, pains in my chest
Not from my heart which I patched on my sleeve
But from the fear deep inside which I could not relieve

No doses of medication
No amount of meditation
No attempt to awaken motivation
Could counter this hesitation

I should be a veteran in the art
Of simply winning one girl’s heart
Yet once again my courage she would breach
For Christ’s sake cadet, unleash some speech!
And it was in that moment I felt more alive
For I realized that nagging voice inside
Was me, myself so why stand here in doubt
The inside’s got it, just let it out
“Fire!” I cried from the depths of my soul
And just then I regained control
“I’ll take a foot long, hot sauce please”
She made it for me, and I left…

They call it the anxiety
My lifelong brutal enemy
Stationed deep inside of me
A never-ending war