deepundergroundpoetry.com
What if
What if I'm still in love with u and what if i die tonight n right now I Need u know Just the way you are and I'm Alone in this bed screaming hear me now I'm not 17forever I'm just sitin here u can say im Right Above it u can Count me in bc I'm Built for sin never will I say i Hate u or I really really don't like you n all I can say is let's Slow dance bc 2 is better then 1 at writing a Love story with Knives n pens
Published 23rd Feb 2011
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Anonymous
23rd Feb 2011 9:53pm
I'm really sorry to be a snob here, but appropriate grammar would improve this poem tenfold. You clearly have a lot of lyricism and feelings in you, and grammar and spelling and punctuation is how you can express it so that others can understand said feelings.
23rd Feb 2011 10:12pm
....in his summation of this word vomit. If you want to be read, make it readable...pretty simple concept really. If you picked up a newspaper and it read like this would you bother to buy it?
23rd Feb 2011 10:16pm
...if I found this in my newspaper and didn't complain I might as well daub baby symbols on the wall of a mud hut and pretend it was cinema.
23rd Feb 2011 10:26pm
I really dnt care wat ull think ok I do it like this is bc Im not trying to make people to like it it's I just want to put it up so people can read
23rd Feb 2011 10:47pm
Totally with you on that - but spelling and grammar are kind of important as far as poetry is concerned.
Hope you can understand that point.
Hope you can understand that point.
Anonymous
- Edited 24th Feb 2011 3:58am
23rd Feb 2011 10:56pm
How can people read it if you won't obey the rules of language? Thousands of years of developing the written word and poetry so we can use it to express ourselves creatively, and you can't even put a "yo" in front of "u" when publishing on a public forum? Forgive me, hallowman, but that's kind of lazy.
