again

Here I am again, in the hot desert sun. Joking with my driver on the net and watching the hilltops. Smoke and fire everywhere, noise filling my soul. A friends scream and then there's blood, so much God-damn blood. My gun, disabled. I drop down to render aid, cannot save him. He screams their names, begs the divine to intervene. I cradle his head in my arms, my hands are not towels and I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS but he is my friend and I need to cannot save him. I awake again in my bed, covered in sweat mixed with my tears.

This was not easy, the sharing of my experience. Of my shame. Do not take pity on me, instead if you know someone suffering from PTSD, reach out. You could be the difference they need in life.