deepundergroundpoetry.com
To My Love
Babe, you'er god given.
I haven't felt this way in a minute.
When I'm with you its like the whole world is ours.
It belongs to me and you.
When it comes to your love I'm stingy.
I don't want anyone or anything to come between us two.
Only because I love you.
And I need you.
You're the reason for my smile.
You make me bright up.
And I haven't lit up in a while.
No one has ever made me feel this way.
I haven't felt this way in a minute.
When I'm with you its like the whole world is ours.
It belongs to me and you.
When it comes to your love I'm stingy.
I don't want anyone or anything to come between us two.
Only because I love you.
And I need you.
You're the reason for my smile.
You make me bright up.
And I haven't lit up in a while.
No one has ever made me feel this way.
Published 4th Feb 2014
| Edited 7th Feb 2014
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Anonymous
4th Feb 2014 7:02pm
Love the "...in a minute..." words.
On the plus side, it expresses a powerful feeling.
On the minus side, the simile, 'stingy like a Jew' leaps out. It's really not an acceptable thing to say. If you want to make the rhyme with 'two', in line 7, why not try something less offensive, such as 'When it comes to your love I'm fierce, like a shrew'.
Also, in line 1 and line 9 you use the word "your" when you mean "you're" (= 'you are').
On the minus side, the simile, 'stingy like a Jew' leaps out. It's really not an acceptable thing to say. If you want to make the rhyme with 'two', in line 7, why not try something less offensive, such as 'When it comes to your love I'm fierce, like a shrew'.
Also, in line 1 and line 9 you use the word "your" when you mean "you're" (= 'you are').
