deepundergroundpoetry.com
Free my Love
My tears travel down your back
As I pull your body against mine
You give me the strength I lack
To restore my mind
Alone the world holds me down
With no hope for completion
With you I found a way around
& stopped my heart's depletion
I need that comfort to stay
Even after I let go
So I can wake the next day
To watch our flowers grow
With my water & your sun
They'll bloom into something pure
Our garden will weigh a ton
Of this much you can be sure
Already they are growing
& are heavy with love
Already they are showing
Free my love
As I pull your body against mine
You give me the strength I lack
To restore my mind
Alone the world holds me down
With no hope for completion
With you I found a way around
& stopped my heart's depletion
I need that comfort to stay
Even after I let go
So I can wake the next day
To watch our flowers grow
With my water & your sun
They'll bloom into something pure
Our garden will weigh a ton
Of this much you can be sure
Already they are growing
& are heavy with love
Already they are showing
Free my love
Published 22nd Jan 2014
| Edited 6th Jun 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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22nd Jan 2014 3:40pm
nice poetry
bur if u r looking for an audience
at 18
sorry this site promotes
erotica mostly
that too draws few comments....
I see u have yet to draw ur sword
tc this is friendly advice only
to another teen
seeking love across the internet
hope you will agree
and indulge in exotic poetry
sexy
bur if u r looking for an audience
at 18
sorry this site promotes
erotica mostly
that too draws few comments....
I see u have yet to draw ur sword
tc this is friendly advice only
to another teen
seeking love across the internet
hope you will agree
and indulge in exotic poetry
sexy
2nd Feb 2014 9:00pm
I like the metaphor of spring flowers, and love being a living presence that requires the unique attention of both people.
I hope it's not inappropriate to say that this poem would be stronger if you deleted the fourth stanza. That one implies stagnation, which is completely in contradiction with the rest of the poem, and it doesn't offer any fresh insight or imagery.
I like the last line, even though it is a little confusing because of the lack of punctuation-- 'free my love' is simply a wonderful concept, no matter which way you interpret it.
I hope it's not inappropriate to say that this poem would be stronger if you deleted the fourth stanza. That one implies stagnation, which is completely in contradiction with the rest of the poem, and it doesn't offer any fresh insight or imagery.
I like the last line, even though it is a little confusing because of the lack of punctuation-- 'free my love' is simply a wonderful concept, no matter which way you interpret it.
5th Feb 2014 1:02pm
Finally, someone with helpful criticism. Thank you for reading & for your critique.
