Severing my Heart from Itself

I told you before
I cannot save you.
I can offer my love,
Support and gratitude.

But I dream
I was smart enough
Or powerful enough
Or something enough to save you from yourself.

You are so beautiful
Through and through
Lovelier than the moon.
But you cannot see this truth.

Why can’t I peel back that thick layer of self-hatred
And slip a finger directly into your heart?
Why does everything in this world
Have to be so damn hard?

My wants and desires are impotent
In the face of so many painful years.
You are trapped in a rewired brain
That has turned you upside-down.

My god
You so beautiful
And so full of self-hatred,
And my heart weeps underneath the shade of a dying tree.

I see the belt around your neck,
You cutting your skin,
And there is no win—
This game that is not a game: It is your life.

And I despair I am not good enough,
That my love is not enough to help
And should you leave this world,
I will sever my heart from itself.