deepundergroundpoetry.com
"Love You Curse"
raptured love, you are sure my heart is owned
to break this spell.. my soul in time away..
captured thus.. two stars lure, cry dark alone
so take this well and cry old crime you play
you make this hell, so die apart unknown
unspoken more, broken promises pour
forsaken wish I tell.. try sins sublime
subtlety.. confess my love, fear you may..
say unto me.. a curse.. forever mine..
"I love you!".. then fade away again.. pray
denied with time, no other I shall find
my spirit within overcomes regret.. when
you've never left.. pretend.. pain purely binds
wanton is your way, stranger you beguile
your eyes filled with the past, tears that devour
cunning, coming seductress with sly smiles..
shadowed surreal.. that fickled heart of ours
to break this spell.. my soul in time away..
captured thus.. two stars lure, cry dark alone
so take this well and cry old crime you play
you make this hell, so die apart unknown
unspoken more, broken promises pour
forsaken wish I tell.. try sins sublime
subtlety.. confess my love, fear you may..
say unto me.. a curse.. forever mine..
"I love you!".. then fade away again.. pray
denied with time, no other I shall find
my spirit within overcomes regret.. when
you've never left.. pretend.. pain purely binds
wanton is your way, stranger you beguile
your eyes filled with the past, tears that devour
cunning, coming seductress with sly smiles..
shadowed surreal.. that fickled heart of ours
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 12
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Re: "Love You Curse"
17th Jan 2014 3:54am
hit & run. ephemeral love, written on the wind: it is a crime. this is exemplary...
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Re: "Love You Curse"
17th Jan 2014 4:48am
Fleeting feels.. a fear with some..
'written on the wind', I like it. Thanks for the nod and your gracious comment.
'written on the wind', I like it. Thanks for the nod and your gracious comment.
Re: "Love You Curse"
17th Jan 2014 6:03am
Your ink is a feather touch, while the reader watches, slack-jawed and sighing, done for... ahhh so romantic.
(I sound like Gabriel, I know...)
(I sound like Gabriel, I know...)
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Re: "Love You Curse"
17th Jan 2014 1:40pm
Feathers, watches, sighing jaws and done for; sounds like an Apache ambush on the prairie! Of course I'm teasing; I always appreciate you stopping by and commenting.
Brave Slack-jaw-Sigh
Brave Slack-jaw-Sigh
Re: "Love You Curse"
An enchantment cast into universal winds of time....and change...
Delicate, gossamer strands binding two hesitant hearts...a (cursed), bitter-sweet existence...that is legendary.
Touchingly Sad Scribe!
Delicate, gossamer strands binding two hesitant hearts...a (cursed), bitter-sweet existence...that is legendary.
Touchingly Sad Scribe!
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Re: "Love You Curse"
17th Jan 2014 5:46pm
Sorrow and romance always seem to be linked. Always a pleasure to hear from you Enchantress. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
Re: "Love You Curse"
28th Jan 2014 8:36am
very interesting to see a flow like this ... very complex rhymes at certain end ..the part where the flow gets really tight is here
"so take this well and cry old crime you play
you make this hell, so die apart unknown
unspoken more, broken promises pour"
the syllables there gives a very distinctive texture ...
content wise again its very tight .... dark n enchanting
keep up the good work..
keep rolling
cyanide...
"so take this well and cry old crime you play
you make this hell, so die apart unknown
unspoken more, broken promises pour"
the syllables there gives a very distinctive texture ...
content wise again its very tight .... dark n enchanting
keep up the good work..
keep rolling
cyanide...
0
Re: "Love You Curse"
28th Jan 2014 6:11pm
I was shooting for a tight mix with the internal rhyme and pretty much kept to the ten count syllable per line. Anytime I can squeeze and tie lines within through phonetics too is a plus for me. Thanks for stopping by; your compliment and comments are appreciated.
Re: "Love You Curse"
29th Jan 2014 8:47pm
"unspoken more, broken promises pour
forsaken wish I tell.. try sins sublime
subtlety.. confess my love, fear you may..
say unto me.. a curse.. forever mine.." <--love that!
The congested flow of this ink matted this piece together nicely to me.
Enjoyed, Jake! Xo
forsaken wish I tell.. try sins sublime
subtlety.. confess my love, fear you may..
say unto me.. a curse.. forever mine.." <--love that!
The congested flow of this ink matted this piece together nicely to me.
Enjoyed, Jake! Xo
0
Re: "Love You Curse"
29th Jan 2014 10:11pm
Thank you Rain. I'm happy you stopped by and took the time for this piece with your compliment. Always a pleasure Rain.
Re: "Love You Curse"
11th Nov 2014 7:52pm
re: Re: "Love You Curse"
12th Nov 2014 2:47pm