deepundergroundpoetry.com
Not Alone
To help a loved one who is now quie sick,
always looking for new ideas to find the perfect trick,
Someone to try and help ease the terrible pain,
So, your strength you can regain,
I will be there to reassure all of your fears,
I will be there to hand you a tissue for any shedded tears,
I hope that my presence will somehow help you during your stay here,
I guess that you can say that I have been blessed with a caring heart,
I knew this to be true; I knew this from the very start,
Hospitals can be a very scary place,
But, hopefully, if I do my job right, I can bring a little smile to that scared looking face,
I understand our meeting could have happened in a better way,
But, I will do my very best to bring some sunshine to your day!
Heather Llewellyn
always looking for new ideas to find the perfect trick,
Someone to try and help ease the terrible pain,
So, your strength you can regain,
I will be there to reassure all of your fears,
I will be there to hand you a tissue for any shedded tears,
I hope that my presence will somehow help you during your stay here,
I guess that you can say that I have been blessed with a caring heart,
I knew this to be true; I knew this from the very start,
Hospitals can be a very scary place,
But, hopefully, if I do my job right, I can bring a little smile to that scared looking face,
I understand our meeting could have happened in a better way,
But, I will do my very best to bring some sunshine to your day!
Heather Llewellyn
Published 13th Feb 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Feb 2011 4:41am
...the sentiment is admirable, but the poem is weak.
"quite sick" is a poor expression, because it means the reader doesn't feel worried.
The perfect trick line needs work.
"terrible pain"...cliche...try another way to say it.
"strength you can regain"...terrible...stinks of 'poetry' writing.
"hospitals can be..." weak line...hospitals are where people die, so the line doesn't hit anywhere near as hard as it needs to.
The whole thing reads too weak...throw down a bit more fear, and knock off the cliche tenderness...
"quite sick" is a poor expression, because it means the reader doesn't feel worried.
The perfect trick line needs work.
"terrible pain"...cliche...try another way to say it.
"strength you can regain"...terrible...stinks of 'poetry' writing.
"hospitals can be..." weak line...hospitals are where people die, so the line doesn't hit anywhere near as hard as it needs to.
The whole thing reads too weak...throw down a bit more fear, and knock off the cliche tenderness...
14th Feb 2011 5:37am
