deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pain
Heart aches
chest twinges
throat swells
nose flowing
eyes tear
break down close
trying to aviod
wanting to hear
hoping you dont
the pain
the tears
the learning
No regrets tho
life moves on.
chest twinges
throat swells
nose flowing
eyes tear
break down close
trying to aviod
wanting to hear
hoping you dont
the pain
the tears
the learning
No regrets tho
life moves on.
Published 8th Feb 2011
| Edited 9th Feb 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 895
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
8th Feb 2011 10:01pm
I like this one a lot.
"Nose sniffles" is the only iffy line, in my opinion.. since each word is so weighted besides those two. Perhaps another action of the nose? Nose drips? Runs?
Just an opinion, though. What do I know? [:
"Nose sniffles" is the only iffy line, in my opinion.. since each word is so weighted besides those two. Perhaps another action of the nose? Nose drips? Runs?
Just an opinion, though. What do I know? [:
9th Feb 2011 4:20am
Yea I wasnt sure about that line either. I thought it lost something there. Thanks Ill have to come up with something else.
