Short Story

Out of all the thoughts that circle in my head daily, the only one that always seems to creep it's way to the surface is the one I try to hide from the most. How different would things really be if I was to end it? From my experiences not that much different.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see myself standing there. Pained eyes smothered by lies, mediocre lips hushed by the constant criticism. Folded ears blocked by the false hopes. By looking at me, you wouldn't think my heart is really a graveyard. I've put every hope and dream to rest. If you're wondering what made me this way, it all started with a single wish.

I was a normal high school girl. I had a lot of friends, mostly fake. I played sports. I wore the newest clothes. I had a boyfriend. So what was wrong with the picture? Although I loved my boyfriend, I had a fling with a guy I'd always had a crush on. We got close, me and him. He had a girlfriend too, though. We had to keep our secret romance under the covers. We used to mess around every day. Stealing kisses, holding hands, telling our deepest darkest secrets.

They always say the people we care the most about are always the ones to hurt us the most in the end. The only problem with that is that we don't want to recognize it's happening to us until we are actually standing in the bathroom with the razor blade to our wrists.

I lost just about everyone I thought I could count on in my life. My best friend turned out to be a b*tch. Friends disappeared. All I had was the guy I had the romance with. I called him over one night after a long day of hearing all of my family drama. We danced with Mary Jane and before I knew it our clothes were off and we were doing the dirty. It was too late to stop it then. I kind of shut out the rest of what happened.

After our clothes were back on, we talked for a little bit, mostly about how I wished things were different. During conversation he whispered he loved me. Were my ears mistaken? I don't think so. I asked "What?" To which he quickly responded, "nevermind." After that short conversation I realized he had lied to me. I could sense a great distance between us.

I had been deflowered by my treasure chest. Someone I confided in. Someone I was secretly in love with. I tried not to think too much of it. I managed to slip by three weeks without a thought of it. Until one night I broke down. Nothing has been the same since.

I wonder how my used to be friends would feel if I were to end my life? Who would show up at my funeral? Would anyone really miss me? Would he feel bad about the way he did things? Would it ruin his life like he ruined mine? I can only hope.

Enough thinking. I'm not gonna talk about it this time. I've regretted the truth of a thousand lies. I'm going to face myself now. As I'm cleaning the blade I'm going to slit my own wrist with, I down two whole bottles of over the counter sleep aid. Just before I do the deed, I send a text out to the person who caused this pain.

It reads, "I hope you're always happy with what you choose in life. Just know I loved you in every way I could've. I know I'm not perfect but I would've tried to be for you. You took the innocence right out of me. You'll hold it in your hands forever. When you hear the news, just remember my face. Happy and smiling. When you look at your girlfriend, I hope you always remember the way I used to be. I hope one day you'll realize what you did. It'll eat away at your soul. I love you forever."

The pain is very fast. There's a river flowing. Flowing through my veins. Rushing to the surface as if it's drowning. Spilling over my skin like a volcano. I look down to see my arm covered in red. I'm feeling light headed. I think ill cut the other just to feel the pain again. This time the pain is sharper. Deeper. I know this will do the trick. This wound is like Niagara Falls. My white sink is now red. There's so much blood. I stagger backwards and fall against the tub. In my last final minutes all I can seem to think about is you. You know who you are. I would've given everything. I guess that's the reason I'm giving my life. Just as I'm closing my eyes to drift into a slumber from which I shall not wake, your face fills my thoughts.

When I wake, it's not in a hospital. It's not in my bed. And no, it's not in YOUR arms. It's on a bed of flowers surrounded by clouds. I can tell I am no longer human. I'm running. I stop and look to the right and there it is. My funeral. To my surprise, there's quite a lot of people there I would've never expected to even show their face. My dead corpse looks beautiful. Have I always looked that way? My hair falls softly, my lips look like they're full of secret kisses. I look... Peaceful. The closest person to my casket is my mother. Wondering why she didn't notice anything. My brother is next. Then the rest of my family. I see my used to be Bestfriend with her new Bestfriend. She's crying. Good. I see my new Bestfriend. He isn't crying. A single tear slips out of his eye. I know he will go home and drink his pain. Maybe I'll see you soon friend. I look close by and there is my ex. Wishing he had it to do over. I feel a tightness in my throat as I start to realize the innocence thief is nowhere to be seen. Just as I start to give up hope I see him stumble in. I can tell he's not sober. He rushes to the casket to see my beautiful sleeping corpse. I've never seen him cry, until now. He's crying the same as my mother. I hear him whisper, "I will always love you, sweetheart. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I'll see you tonight." Just as I hear that, his girlfriend walks in. I can tell she is carrying his child. He kisses her cheek and leaves.