deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Wish/Helpless
I wish I could kiss your scars
And tell you the pain would go away
That time would heal your wounds
And you'd be happy again
But I'm no liar
I wish I could turn back time
Erase your poisonous memories
Take your place in line
And make your pain mine
But I'm helpless
It's useless to wish
But even more useless to dwell in the past
It may be easy for you to forget
What you've already forgave
But the thought of you in pain
Seems to stick in my mind
It makes me sick
And tell you the pain would go away
That time would heal your wounds
And you'd be happy again
But I'm no liar
I wish I could turn back time
Erase your poisonous memories
Take your place in line
And make your pain mine
But I'm helpless
It's useless to wish
But even more useless to dwell in the past
It may be easy for you to forget
What you've already forgave
But the thought of you in pain
Seems to stick in my mind
It makes me sick
Published 12th Dec 2013
| Edited 14th Dec 2013
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likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 8
reads 891
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
13th Dec 2013 2:40am
14th Dec 2013 8:22pm
Hey, M., a simple but haunting melody which kicks well as it progresses. You sing it well. I think lyrically you can ratchet up the mystique of the song by showing more in the words. Instead of saying pain and poisonous memories , don't be afraid to push the envelope and show the ugliness rather than allude to it. It has promise, though, and you've done a good job.
Thanks for the feedback and advice Tony, I may try to "ratchet up the mystique" in the future.
15th Dec 2013 9:05pm
15th Dec 2013 11:31pm
15th Dec 2013 11:16pm
There is certainly a variety of emotions in here with similar forms and it does on to ask important questions.
15th Dec 2013 11:32pm
