Its hard

To be nice to someone when I don't want to be.
My friends judge me based on what I did.
Some people ignore what I have to say.
Most people don't care.
My life has been very horrible since the first time I stepped into that house.
Recently my mom had a boyfriend that didn't work and got social security for a living.
Spending most of his money on weed and never food.
Mom used to work overtime just to get away from him.
Took many medications so she should drown him out.
Me cutting in my room and crying most of the time.
Listening to music to drown out everything.
Dad and stepmom talked about me.
How everything was my fault and that I am a bad soul.
Talked to my family that I was going down the wrong path.
I looked towards guys for the love that I was missing in my life.
Went to juvie and the mental hospital twice just to get away from all the shit that I was going through.
Dad hit my dog many times because she took food off of plates.
Threw her across the room.... I was devastated.
She was ok and went to me for the easing of her pain.
Had to go to church and learn about how fucking stupid those people are.
How bad the world is when it really is not.
My anger has come and still comes to me every single day of my life.
It's hard to be someone that you are not.
I still try to act a little crazy so that people can leave me alone.
It's hard to live my life.
I wish that this pain can go away.
I need to end it.
And the only way to end it is........